[ vent - 1 ]

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being 5 minutes away from a full fucking breakdown is fucking. awful.

esp bc everyone I feel comfortable reaching out to is dealing with so much rn, me asking for advice, or to vent, or even just to talk feels so,,, selfish of me

like

I am barely holding it together and it's been that way for such an uncomfortably long time and with nobody I can reach out to I am stuck. waiting until I fucking crash and burn andiit's awful

bc when everyone else around me is going through so much and I want to be able to help them but I'm barely holding myself together and I'm already slipping I feel like I'm 5 seconds away from spontaneous combustion while pretending that I'm not like, on fire

its shit and it's awful and I know how it's going to turn out but it's the only thing I can do

the only people I feel as if I can talk to are struggling and it would make me feel infinitely worse to add into that than to just keep letting it build up until it falls apart and it's so exhausting and god I just want to feel ok I just want to remember what feeling ok feels like but that feels like too much to ask.