The Caged Bird Longs To Be Free

Chapter 4

You feel like you're being picked up for prom; your body is alive with nervous flutters but lined with an infectious high mood.

You stick on 'Hold On, I'm Coming' by Sam & Dave. It is your go-to getting-ready-for-a-night-out song. You dance around as you swap between shirts, trying to find something good.

The bottom half is easy enough. You slip into your favourite set of skinny black jeans, the knees pre-ripped out. You don't even care that it's the height of summer, this is one of your wardrobe staples.

For your top half you grab a white tee with a rock band on the front. You had taken this shirt to a paint party and got covered in neon liquid. Once washed and dried, the neon had faded into the fabric, giving it a groovy vibe.

When you hear the doorbell ring you slide down the banister, getting to the door before your parents or siblings could find a handsome boy on their porch asking for you.

Your parents.

You came out to your family around the same time that the bullying intensified.

You hadn't used the term 'gay' as such, more just a weird word salad that ended up with you saying you might 'like boys'.

There was a brief mourning period when your parents realised the future they had thought out for you was burned, but then you qualified that you were 'still into girls.'

Indeed, you would only bring girls back home for a long time afterward.

Your confession, followed by said string of girlfriends, just confused them even more. Sexuality outside of the binary was still an abstract form back then.

It would take some time for them to comprehend a boy they hadn't met before standing outside their door asking for their son.

Like now.

David scrubs up well. You are worried that he might come dressed in sweats and a rugby shirt being the 'sporty' boy he is.

You are dead wrong.

His button-down short sleeve shirt, rolled up to accentuate his biceps is made for the summer warmth, but is still fashionable.

He accepts the heat with a set of khaki shorts and grey ankle socks. The only 'sporty' thing he wears is a set of pristine white tennis shoes. He is the epitome of cool and collected, the opposite side of the coin from you.

You smile at him as you lead him away from your house towards Joey's. You ache to take his hand and walk with him through the streets.

You extend your arm but in the end you settle for a hand motion for him to follow you.

One day you think you'll build up enough courage. For now you'll just have to walk side-by-side.

You don't speak much in the trip down, too transfixed by the fact he is with you.

As you turn into Joey's drive you can already hear the bass on his speakers reverberating through the ground.

You knock and after a few seconds Joey answers the door.

"And you brought David, don't you just look like an adorable pair!"

You cringe at Joey's opening line but David cracks a laugh and grabs you round the shoulder, agreeing with Joey.

You look up at David and smile, before he leads you into the house.

As the house fills up with guests, the drink starts to flow.

The next four hours is a blur.

Tequila shot races. Beer pong doubles.

And David gets closer and closer. When you balk out of the tequila race halfway through and head to the bin, he rubs your back to make you feel better.

When you make a perfect slam dunk in the beer pong match, he squeezes your cheek and says, "That was beautiful! You are beautiful!"

"Another one?" You say, indicating a drink.

You head off to get more drinks and look back at him. He is talking with a girl you don't know.

Your eyes widen in fear as she starts to play with his shirt, her fingers teasing at his chest. Your stomach does a somersault, but not the good kind.

He catches you looking at him and separates himself from the girl and begins to head over to you. The girl looks like she's just been slapped across the face.

He breaks into a big grin and you breathe a sigh of relief when he takes one of the plastic cups from you and says, "Cheers!"

It's around midnight when you start to walk home.

As soon as you step out of Joey's door, a massive raindrop hits you square on the forehead.

And soon enough, the heavens descend upon you.

"Shit, I didn't think we would need a coat," David says as he joins you.

"How about we run?" you say. "If we run then there will be less rain to hit us."

"I'm not sure that's true, but let's go for it!" David says and sets off at a sprint. "First one back to your house is the winner!"

You keep pace with David until he pulls away in front at the last moment and beats you.

You realise now that he was just toying with you, letting you catch up to add drama to the race, but you couldn't really care less.

You both hide underneath the large branches of a tree to get out of the rain.

David turns to you.

"I had fun tonight. Thanks for inviting me out."

"I enjoyed being with you too."

The two of you smile.

Again, that silence, it is overpowering.

You begin, "I just-"

But are cut off by David moving forward and kissing you.

You are caught off guard by his sudden outburst of courage, but your eyes instinctively close as you're enveloped by his embrace.

What were you going to say?

Was it important?

Would it have changed things?

You try and recall it, but the logical side of your brain is shutting down. It has been overloaded by the tastes and smells of the situation. All the things around the kiss.

The sour taste of tequila on his lips.

The smell of petrichor on the pavement.

His soft cheeks, yet to be roughened by stubble.

"Come with me," he says.