IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU

Chapter 3 - I Have Questions

Shawn watched her walk away for the second time that morning. The first time, he had admired how amazing her ass looked in her yoga gear, but now he was glad it was only her ass he could ogle because the front view.....he'd better get back in that cold water real quick or he was going to embarrass himself even more. She was sassy though, she knew he could see every inch of her curvy butt as she walked off and she was swinging it for him, the little witch. Sometimes he thought she might still be into him as much as he was into her, but then she would just completely friendzone him and he'd know he must have imagined it. So far, this trip was going way better than he had expected.

He enjoyed the rest of the paddle, heading away from the direction of Camila's bure, just in case, then he left the board outside his bure and showered. When he came out, the lunch he had ordered was waiting for him on his little deck, and he read the book he had started the day before while he ate. Reading was something he was trying to get into, and he liked learning about mindfulness and spirituality, and had a little pile of books he had brought with him. After lunch he strolled up to the main building for his therapy session.

He had been introduced to his therapist the day before, her name was Akari Thompson, and she was Japanese/Hawaiian. She and her husband, Alec, a Brit with many years of experience in hotel management, owned and ran the resort. She was beautiful, with an asymmetrical bobbed haircut and a growing baby belly. She waved him into her light and airy room with it's comfortable furniture and a fascinating collection of black and white photographs filling one wall. He stopped to look at them before sitting. They were all abstract landscapes, many of them macro shots, zooming in on the furled bud of a palm frond, or droplets of water on a flower petal. He loved the peace they exuded and said so.

"Thank you, they're mine actually."

"Wow, you're so talented!" he exclaimed. "Why are you doing this if you can do that?"

She laughed. "Well, they are both very rewarding, and I do the photography just for love, I don't sell it. I feel like if I did, then it would become a job and I'd lose my creativity."

"I know what you mean, it's always a struggle when creating music not to let the consumeristic side of it influence the art. If I start worrying about whether my fans will like it, and try to cater to them, then it's over, the music is corrupted. It has to be pure, and come from a more organic place."

She nodded, looking impressed. "Exactly, I like how you think Shawn. I think we are going to have some interesting sessions."

In this first session he expected that she would want to get to know him a little, he wasn't anticipating any heavy questions, but the first thing she asked shook him a little.

"So, tell me why you're here, and what you want to get out of our sessions."

"Well I....." How did he explain it? I work too hard? That sounded lame, and it wasn't really the reason. He did work hard, but it wasn't the work that was the problem. "I've been working so hard that I've started to lose touch with myself, with why I do it, and what I want out of it. I feel like there should be more, and that's so selfish and greedy, because I have so much already."

"What do you have?"

"I have a wonderful family, amazing friends and supportive colleagues, who are also my friends and my family actually. I love my career, I love making music, it is the breath in my lungs, you know? I earn a good living from it, I'm able to help my family, and live a good life myself, like being able to come here even. I mean, what else is there?"

"What about relationships?"

"Well, I just said I have a wonderful family, friends....they're all good relationships."