The Long Way Back

Chapter 15.

In the midst of the tumultuous chaos of school going on around me, I found refuge in the security of the one cramped and dingy music room our school owned.

I sat at the keys of the piano by myself, for the first time in what could've easily been years. Least to say, a very long time.

My fingers moved of their own accord and began in a beautifully elegant dance across the keys, as though they belong there.

After all, maybe they did.

Melody after melody arose around me, dispersing from depths of my mind long forgotten.

Harmonies built, chord after chord found it's own rightful place in the bass of my self made ensemble.

On and on I played, eyes closed to everything around me.

It was just me and a piano.

Me encased in my sanctuary of music, for what felt like hours.

I felt at peace, at home, everything stopped but the ever-growing movement of my fingers over the keys.

I felt like myself by the piano, not all the broken pieces of myself scattered from one part of my life to another. I was complete.

I played and played, louder and louder until I reached the peak of my crescendo.

And I stopped.

Right on the brink, the very edge... I stopped. A piece unfinished, imperfect.
——

Applause awoke me from my self-imposed trance. "Melanie, that was phenomenal." Mr Edwards praised, somewhat of an awestruck tone laced his voice.

The realisation that somebody else heard my playing, somebody else judged my playing, nearly broke me out in a cold sweat.

My panic came on so fast it was like it rushed over me bringing in a tsunami of memories.  Bad memories.
I froze, I tensed up as though I were a statue.

No, no, no, just don't turn around.

'You're not good enough Mellie, you'll never be good enough.' Chorused on and on in my head like a broken record.

"Melanie?" Mr Edwards once again drew me from my thoughts.

"Melanie, are you okay?" He asked, seemingly aware of my current state of distress.

Warily, I turned around to face him.

I may as well face my fears, here it comes.

"S-sorry... I-I didn't know anybody was in here," I lowered my eyes to the floor, unwilling to face the scrutiny.

You'll never be good enough.

"No, no don't apologise. There wasn't anybody else here, I just heard you playing and wanted to see who it was. Your extremely talented Melanie.

Untrue. I learned that a long time ago.

"I, I- I'm really not." I replied.  "But thank you."

I gently smiled so as to not appear rude. Mr Edwards strode towards the piano I sat at and faced me head on, "Honestly Melanie. I've never quite heard talent like that at your age. Flip, any age. It's unbelievable." He looked down at me with a face meant to reassure me I'm sure, when it in fact had the opposite effect.

Praise made me uncomfortable, because I knew they were always just being polite.

They never told the truth.

A blush took residence upon my cheeks. I never did know what to do with the rare praise I received.

Mr Edward must have noted what I assumed looked to him as shyness, for he stepped away from me.