Something He Said (A Limelight Story)

Chapter 6

((Ok, this one is heavy. I've had the rough plan for this chapter for months but I didn't expect it to go as deep as it did. Warning for mentions of death.

We've passed the halfway mark))

Chapter 6 theme songs: If You Knew from LIZZIE the Musical, No-One Is Alone from Into The Woods and Full Disclosure from Steven Universe

"You know I was talking about you then, right?"

"Yeah. Took a few years to figure it out, but yeah."

"... I hate him."

"I know. I do, too."

"Couldn't he just let you live?"

"Not a chance. He had to have control over everything. You had to just be my best friend. I know I already liked you, but I thought it was as a friend, and I pretty much forced myself to keep believing that for years. And when I finally realised it wasn't, I-I... I shut down."

"... That day you went AWOL. Back in high school, right before we started dating. That's when it hit you, wasn't it? You weren't just scared I'd turn you down, you were scared you felt that way at all."

"... Mm-hmm..."

"Man, can this guy get any worse?"

"... When Zeljaka died..."

~ You decide what's right, you decide what's good ~

So. They were friends now. The four of them. He was starting to get used to Roz being around, in fact. Zach had quickly accepted her into the group, and the easiest option for Alonzo was simply follow his lead. And Zephyr's. It seemed they could both get the hang of having a girl for a friend pretty fast, but Alonzo had to admit he was still holding himself back just a little.

It began easy enough: they had similar tastes in music, which was the most important thing as far as Alonzo was concerned. From there, though, he wasn't so sure. In retrospect, he realised he was overthinking the whole thing.

And on the subject of music, something else had been on Alonzo's mind lately. On the first album they got, the one Zephyr had lent to him, there was a song called I'm Gay. It used to be his favourite one on the album, and maybe even his favourite Bowling For Soup song overall. He didn't really get what the name of the song meant, but he loved it nonetheless for how fun, fast and upbeat it was. At least he did, until he heard his dad use the word "gay" for the first time. It had been that night, when he'd said he would marry Zephyr, and his father had told him why that was wrong. He said – or rather spat, grumbled and hissed – the word, among others, behind a closed door to Hazel when he thought Alonzo was asleep, and the way he said it and used it stuck with him. That's what liking boys was. "Gay". And "gay" alone was bad.

Thank Z, Zephyr wasn't gay. Or maybe he was only a little bit. But it didn't matter; he liked girls too so if he could just... ignore the gay part, then maybe he'd be alright...?

Alonzo tried not to think too much about what Zephyr had told him – it just made him sad all over again.

He reached over Zach's shoulder to skip the song before it could actually start then immediately curled in on himself, knowing all three of them were looking at him in question now.

"Hey, why'd you do that?" Zach asked with a frown and he shrugged.

"I just didn't feel like listening to that one."

Zephyr dropped his head and started fidgeting with the gold trim on his zipper. None of them noticed.

"Why not?" Roz leaned forward on her forearms, "I thought that was your favourite?"