Cold Blooded - Plants Vs Zombies Mature Fanfiction #2

Getting Wet, the Boring Way - Chapter 2

Me: Yeah! Fuck you!
I yell out loud, even though I'm the only one home.
Me: Next time don't even try bitch!
I'm very into COZ Black Ops 4 okay? But after whooping some scrub's ass so hard it probably cried, I wanted to get out of the apartment. Me and Richard were talking about how we need some baby Mama's yesterday, so maybe I should head to the pool and try to find a bitch that wants to get laid, you never know. I walk to my closet, I put on my swimming trunks and a t-shirt, I'm ready to pick up a bitch.

When I get there, it's crowded. We're so close that if somebody pissed in the pool, you could practically taste that shit. But... That's in the regular pool. I can pay twenty dollars to get in the high-class pools. I look through the window to see if any hot bitches are in there, if there isn't then there's no point in even swimming today. There was a group of hot chicks swimming around the pool, I guess I was looking to long because one of them nudged the others and before I knew they were all staring at me. Awkwardly walking in, I pay the twenty bucks and get in the same pool as them. Hopefully they look at my six pack instead of talking about how I was staring. One swims up to me, she's a Cactus.
Cactus Chick: Hey, aren't you the creep who was staring at us over there?
Shit. I got to smooth the situation out quick!
Me: I was just checking that there was sexy chicks here to make sure I wasn't wasting my time.
I look at her body chest to thighs.
Me: And I wasn't disappointed...
I smile while looking into her eyes.
Cactus Chick: Whatever, I'm Marie.
Me: I'm Jake. But you can call me your dream date.
Fuck that was a terrible pick-up line. She laughs, more stale then I would've liked but whatever. She's not my type, she has really tiny tits and an okay ass. I need them nice tits and big ass. Luckily, I see a shadow peashooter that almost fits the request. I begin to walk towards them (it's only four feet deep so I walk up to her, not swim because that would look retarded), but then some fat Melon-Pult gets in my way.
Fat Ass Melon-Pult: Hey Richard, tell us about yourself.
Oh god, she sounds like a man! But Ms. Emo Bitch back there is watching and I'm guessing they're friends so I keep it smooth.

Me: Well I dropped out of highschool, but I feel like you guys want to know something more...
They all nod and tell me: "Yes Yes Yes!" Me: Well I haven't had a girlfriend since last year.
Marie the Cactus: No way! How?
Me: Damn somebody's interested...
Marie: Shut up before I break your fucking nose
That was more threatening than I expected... Ugh I guess I have to work around that somehow.
Me: How about instead you guys touch my muscles
All of them: Yeah!
They all grab my muscles, including Emo Bitch.
Fat Ass Melon-Pult: Damn John, these are hot!
Me: Thanks? Oh and my name is Jake. Not John
Fat Ass Melon-Pult: Whatever Jack
I sigh heavily. This isn't going anywhere. Then Marie starts talking about leaving.
Marie: Shit, girls we have to go! Are jobs at Shooters is starting in an hour!
The rest of them: Aww...
Marie: Stop touching Jake and let's get out of here.
Emo Bitch: Speaking of Jake, you should stop by our job at Shooters and order something. Chances are it's one of us four that will be your waitress.
Oh yeah I forget to say, there's a fourth chick there but she didn't say anything besides when the rest of them said things at the same time. So she was pretty uneventful, she was a Wall-Nut.
All of them: Bye Jake!
Me: Catch you guys later
Shit. That went nowhere and all of them weren't even that cute, especially the Melon-Pult hippo.