Fleeting Moments

Chapter 11: Date

#HHFM Chapter 11:

Date

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"Sorry, ano nga ulit 'yung sinabi mo?" wala sa huwisyo niyang tugon sa akin.

I pursed my lips and didn't respond. He took one swift glance at my direction, then he sighed as he brought his eyes back on the road. Before we left home, I had already noticed the change in his behavior. Hindi lang naman ito kanina lang nagsimula. For the past few days, I felt like I was seeing a different Ryo. Kung bakit? Wala na kasi ang kapal ng mukha niya, parang natunaw at napunta na lang kung saan. I was starting to think that this person I was trying to talk to was an impostor.

I caught him opening his mouth to speak, but he decided not to. Nanatili ang tingin ko sa kaniya para mag-obserba. His eyes were distracted, and he kept on trying to see if I was still looking at him, so I eventually averted my gaze. Baka kasi mamaya, mabangga pa kami sa katuliruan niya. I had watched his games, at sa court ay mukha namang nasa focus siya. But it's like seeing an actor on and off-screen; hindi ko alam kung bakit parang nag-iiba siya ng anyo tuwing nasa bahay. At first I thought it was just the pressure for the finals, pero hindi e. May iba talaga.

It started after that night of his interview. I was trying to see if he noticed that I was only pretending to sleep, pero hindi ko siya makausap nang matino dahil lagi siyang nakaiwas at ilag na ilag. The only reason I could come up with was that he realized that I was awake, and now the shame had been eating him up alive in the past few days.

Naninibago ako sa kaniya. He just wasn't as playful as before, and he had been unusually silent even in meals. Kinakausap pa naman niya ako dahil hindi naman siya pumapalya sa pag-check ng lagay ko, but I just know it in my heart that things have been different lately. The way he communicates with and acts around me changed completely. Memoryado ko ang kilos at pananalita niya sa loob ng apat na taon kaya hindi ako puwedeng magkamali sa judgment ko na may nagbago talaga. Simple ko lang siyang tinawag noong isang araw at kita ko ang paninigas ng buong katawan niya.

He wouldn't even look at me while we're having small talks. He wouldn't even let me near him, except now na nasa sasakyan niya kami papunta sa checkup ko. Nagkadikit lang kami sa may hagdan isang beses, para namang nakapapaso ang balat ko at mabilis siyang umiwas.

A part of me was starting to get annoyed. Siya pa ang may ganang banatan ako na para daw akong 'others' tapos ngayon, siya ang ganito?

It's not like I wanted those small kisses but neither did I feel like I didn't want them. I just . . . didn't have any feelings for those. It had been in my mind since the night it happened, pero ano naman? Hindi ko alam kung kasali pa ba sa parte ng pag-acting ko na hindi ko alam ang nangyari dahil tulog-kuno ako, or it just didn't bother me . . . at all.

Hindi ko rin alam kung dahil ba may mga tao na ulit sa bahay kaya siya balot na balot ulit. It's not like I prefer to see him walking around the house almost naked. Naninibago lang talaga ako. Thank goodness my pregnancy hormones weren't acting up, or else I would have started a fight with him dahil hindi niya talaga ako madalas na pinapansin. Hindi na parehas ng atensiyon na ibinibigay niya sa akin dati ang natatanggap ko ngayon. Whining about that would make me look like a nagging, moody wife, at hindi naman ako ganoon kaya pinipigilan ko ang sarili ko.

"I was asking about your game," I decided to answer him when we got to our destination.

"A, ano'ng meron?" wala sa huwisyo niya pa ring sagot.

Iritable na ako na wala talaga siya sa sarili niya kapag kausap ako. Hindi na lang ako umimik dahil nabubuwisit na ako. Hindi naman yata siya nakikinig! Ano ba kasi'ng tumatakbo sa isip niya at lagi siyang wala sa huwisyo?