madeline // a Taylor Swift adoption

18 // first place

i let out a huge sigh as soon as i got to the starting line.
i was nervous.
i don't know why, but i always get super nervous before my races.
as the official put his arms up before shooting, i caught a glimpse of taylor from the corner of my eye, standing next to peyton's mom, talking, holding her phone up ready to record.
what a goof.
when she saw me looking, she gave me a thumbs up and smiled at me.
the official shot the gun and i was off.
i decided to go out fast, and eventually, nearly halfway through the race, i was on second place.
i didn't want second though, i wanted first, so that's what i was gonna get.
around the beginning of the third mile, i made my move and moved into first place.
"YES MADDIE!" i heard from the side of the course.
it was my coach.
"400 meters left! you better go or she's gonna catch you!" she screamed, and i booked it.
once i approaches the finish line, all i could hear was screaming.
screaming for me, screaming for the girl behind me, and so on.
finally, i crossed the finish line.
and, i got first.
i collapsed as soon as i crossed the line, just like i always do, and it wasn't long before a sports medicine official picked me up and told me to just walk.
"you were bookin it, girl!" said my coach when she met me at the finish line.
i took another sip of my water and nodded my head.
then, the rest of the team came over and started telling me congrats for my win.
finally, about 15 minutes after i finished, i headed over to talk to taylor.
as soon as she saw me, she wrapped me up in a hug.
"okay... i didn't know you were THAT fast.." she said. "and i also didn't know that cross country meets were actually fun to watch."
i burst out laughing at that comment.
literally everyone i ask to watch me race says that.
after talking to taylor during the boys race, she decided to leave.
at away meets, we're required to ride the bus as a team to and from the meets back home.
"i'll be there to get you soon. text me when you're close." she said.
"okay."

-
tw: eating disorder behavior

later on that night after dinner, i decided to scroll through twitter and instagram, and i came across a photo of me.
"girls backwoods invitational champion, madeline thompson of nashville is someone to look out for this season"  it read.
i decided to read comments on the post, but immediately realized that was a horrible idea.
it was the same thing. people calling me ugly, but the worst one that really got me was the comments about my weight.
was i really big?
i got up from my spot on the couch and not even a second after i stood up, taylor stopped me.
"where are you going? the movie just started?" she asked.
"just going to put on a sweatshirt, i'm a little cold." i replied and then i ran up the stairs to my room, making sure i shut the door behind me.
i stood in front of my mirror and pulled my shirt up, looking at my stomach, grabbing the fat on my stomach.
i then picked up my phone and looked at the picture of me running and compared it to other runners.
compared to some, i was definitely a bit bigger, but i've always seen myself as average compared to any freshman in high school.
well, i did, until now.
"maybe... a little bit of weight loss wouldn't be to bad.." i whispered of myself.
maybe if i just lost a few pounds, people wouldn't be so mean.
if i just skipped breakfast and lunch at school, taylor would never know. i'd just have to eat dinner.
and if she does know, i just need or say i'm not hungry.
it couldn't be to hard, right?
i quickly grabbed a sweatshirt out of my drawer and threw it on over my head.
then i headed down the stair case.
she won't know.