Monsters are real. I met one, when I was 11 years old. I became one, years later. I am manipulative, controlling, and calculating. My mind is filled with noise and my heart with hatred.
I didn't expect her, though. I fell for her fast and hard, but...
In my opinion, physical intimacy was crucial in every marital relationship. And thankfully, Aina and I had great physical compatibility. We were not shy at all. Holding hands, kissing and other public displays of affection never really bothered us. But, in the bedroom I had always insisted to keep the lights off and Aina had never asked me why.
It was exactly three days after our wedding when it happened. We were passionately making out on the bed and she yanked my shirt off, without me realizing the lights in the room were turned on. My world came tumbling down when I heard her gasp. She was staring at my back. My wounded, scarred, extremely ugly back. Criss-cross marks ran all over it. The marks were years old but the scars looked atrocious because they had never healed properly. She ran her hand down the scars and I tensed.
"What happened to you?" she asked, as soon as I turned around. She gripped my face in her hands and willed me to look at her. "Is this why you turn the lights off?"
I nodded. I felt exposed but I had to tell her the truth. So, I explained "I lived with my aunt & her family after my parents' death. Her husband was an alcoholic and he used to beat me, when I was a kid. He had a close friend who was a pedophile. They tried to..um...you know... but, I resisted. As a punishment, they got off by beating me and torturing me."
With tears streaming down her face, she whispered, "How old were you?"
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"I was 11 when I started living there. The abuse started shortly after and continued till I was 15. I was stronger than a typical teenager and they couldn't handle me physically after that."
"How did you survive?" She asked softly. Her eyes brimming with fresh tears.
"I don't know", I said. "There were times I almost told my aunt. She had done me a huge favour by taking me in - providing me with shelter, food, clothing, education. I just didn't know to tell her about her abusive husband and their psychotic friend. It would break her marriage and her life. She loved me. She left me her entire inheritance when she passed away. Everything that I have today is because of her."
My wife hugged me with all her strength and said, "I would have loved to meet her, Amaan. I am so sorry for what you had to go through. But, those monsters don't get to take away your soul. You shouldn't be embarrassed. You are beautiful, baby - with or without your scars. I forbid you to turn the lights off. I want to see you, all of you. And you are perfect, just the way you are."
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