it hurts until it doesn't

reality only exists in the sunshine

written: april 6, 2020 (day 272)

when the sun goes down
things stop being real.
you remember, don't you?
(but you can't remember if it isn't real)

nothing is real
because if something is real
then everything is real
(and you can't handle that)

there are stars
and sobs
and screams
(and the word that you swore was "no")

let your head buzz
let the tears fall
let the medicine soak in
(but don't let it be real)