it hurts until it doesn't

this path was chosen for you, but you get to decide where it ends

written: april 21, 2020 (day 287)

he likes cats
so you buy a dog
and hope that will keep him away.
he doesn't trust pills
so you take too many
and hope that the changes will stay.

you miss him sometimes
when you close your eyes
and the pain of missing him hurts.
but so does the memory,
and the things he did to you
are far worse than what you deserve.

so you forget to miss him
and at night you remember
the reason you tried to forget.
the acid touch of his hands
and the words he said
and the color red you bled.

you didn't want it to happen
but it did and it's done
and you can't change what has passed.
but this path is yours now
and only you know
which footsteps will be your last.