HOLY CRAP 1K READS Y’ALL!!! HOLY HADES YOU GUYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
( i don’t know what this whole chapter is about. 〒▽〒 edit apr 2023: brace yourself for a 2020 internet relic. this entire chapter is a time capsule for pandemic tiktok humor. please mentally prepare yourselves and grab your nearest scrunchie)
“Hey, Hades! Why can’t the skeleton go to the ball?” Poseidon said to Hades one time he and his brothers are hanging out in the Underworld.
Hades’s eyebrows furrowed. “I do not know, why?”
“Because he has noBODY to go with!” Poseidon said, and Zeus laughed hysterically.
“That joke is so funny, it snatched my wig,” Zeus replied to Poseidon, laughing like an idiot.
Hades looked at them confusedly. “You are not wearing a wig,” he said to Zeus.
Zeus rolled his eyes. “That’s just an expression.”
“I do not understand,” he said.
“You rarely leave the Underworld, that’s why! Who’s your favorite current musician?” Poseidon said.
Hades frowned. “Michael Jackson.”
“Ha! Michael Jackson is dead ages ago!”
“Your humor is dead ages ago!” Zeus exclaimed.
“And I oop!” Poseidon said, giggling.
“Oh my—is that Cerberus? He’s grown so much! He’s so cute, uwu!”
“I am shookt.”
“GUYS!” Hades raised his hand dismissively. “I do not understand a thing you are saying!”
Poseidon placed his glass of nectar on the table and looked at Hades. “I told you, you should leave the Underworld every once in a while, y’know, get some sunlight. When’s the last time you left? When Zayn is still in One Direction?”
“What is ‘One Direction’?” he asked.
Zeus sighed exasperatedly. “Do you really know nothing about the modern world?”
“I have no reason to leave,” Hades explained. “Ever since Hermes started a delivery service and the Amazons expanded their shipping range to the Underworld, I got everything delivered to me. I do not have to go to the upper world to get what I need.”
“I’m suspending Hermes’s delivery service,” Zeus mumbled.
“Bro (you know what’s bro right?), how about you go upstairs just a little while? To know what’s in there? If you stay here a little longer you’re gonna rot!” Poseidon suggested.
“I will think about it,” Hades said.
“You should!” Zeus said. A little while later he stood from his chair. “By the way, I gotta go, have some stuff to do.”
Poseidon followed. “Yeah, same here. Thanks for the lunch!”
The two bursted in golden light and vanished into the air.
Hades stared at Fields of Asphodel in the distance, thinking about what Zeus and Poseidon said. Am I that old-fashioned? Is it a big deal that I do not know what “memes” are? I do not understand.
He felt a presence behind him and he turned to see Poseidon.
“Sorry, I left my HydroFlask,” he explained, clunching his green water bottle. “Think about what we said!” he called before he vanished.
