subdued subtleties ━━ keanu reeves

XIX. I'LL MISS YOU

❝ you look
really pretty. ❞

CHAPTER NINETEEN:
I'LL MISS YOU

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Days came back and went like a clock being adjusted for hours on end. I only sat in silence in my room as my Auntie Nida was helping me prepare all my stuff late at night ─ we were going home now.

"You're a messy, messy girl. You're fourteen years old and you haven't a single darn clue on how to fix your stuff. If it weren't for Karr Jovi, you wouldn't have fixed this mess of a room!" said Auntie Nida, exhausted as she picked up the clothes scattered around the room.

She paused from what she was doing when she found her questions and sermons unanswered. I only bury my face deeper inside my pillow, trying my best to ignore her.

We caught each other making eye contact, both of us awkward and frozen. Auntie Nida, however, remained untethered.

Certainly, she could feel I was not okay. It was evident judging by the fact that I haven't exited my room for three days and also haven't eaten for that time period. It was certainly spent crying alone and probably even contemplating about where I went wrong.

"You're not okay." Auntie Nida says.

"I am. I just wanna sleep."

"Sleeping is not equal to crying. We all know that. Even a baby knows the difference."

I groaned, shaking my head as I forced her to stop bothering me. As much as it pained to bitch at the biggest bitch I've ever met my whole life, I decided it might be the best for me.

Everything's my damn fault.

Ever since that night, everything fell apart all at once. Screaming and vases thrown to the wall; glass shards falling down the surface as we only stand there with tears building up inside our eyes.

We drew our hands towards our ears to mute the commotion like it wasn't happening. It was the beer talking: we were all certain. But observing the room and its silent walls, there wasn't a bottle of liquor to be found. Obviously, anger was doing its job.

That night, our feet begged us to run away, but they were just as agitated and frozen as we are. We had nothing to do but stand there and watch our worlds crumble completely, our homes break down to cemented pieces.

But this time, we were going home now. We were bound to drive back to the metropolitan jungle where homes never really existed. Only that sumptuous luxury mattered to the superficial heart.

My endless thoughts abruptly came to an end when I heard her slam the door shut. I raise the pillow lying beneath me to take a peek if it really was Auntie Nida.

When I have confirmed that my aunt has exited my room, I tilt my head back to the ceiling and find the courage to sit up and fix my things.

If I were to be asked, I've grown attached to Pennytown, and because of that I don't even want to leave this town, this idle town of idyllic people and memories. A place filled with such halcyon and joy that has drawn me closer to these nameless people whose faces I will remember until the end of time.

I will never forget the people who made this place less insufferable for me, and I will never, ever, forget the first person who made this chaos worth reminiscing for me.

Exhaustedly, I pick up the scattered clothes on the floor and in the ivory-painted laundry basket that sat idly by the wall. Clothes in hand, I grab the knapsack under the bed and pushed them inside the bag.

I was empty-minded like a robot as I moved, yet at the same time I felt too much all at once.

Then I heard a knock somewhere in the room.

I was too lazy to determine where the knocks were coming from, considering my exhaustion to even think and do what I'm doing. Then, causing me to jump up, I heard another knock.

Now that I've figured it was coming from the window, I saw a silhouette of a boy outside the window. Frozen and astonished in an odd way, I stare him blankly.

Then I saw him signal at me to let him in. Stupidly, I immediately open the window to realize it was Jovi who was knocking.

"Jo! Uh─ uhm─ what are you doing here?" I stammer, internally scoffing at my stupidity. He only looked at me as he removed the multi-coloured hair clips that was clipped behind his left ear.

Then he leaned towards me, causing me to draw even closer to my perplexity. He steps even closer. And closer.

Only to clip the accessories on my hair.

"You look really pretty." whispered Jovi softly, audible enough for me to hear. I smile at him, looking away as I felt my cheeks heat up.

We were just two idiots, standing there laughing silently to ourselves, not knowing what to do. It was as if in such a small amount of time, we've grown so closer to become distant in the end.

I didn't feel so far away from him. Some part of me thinks that he's grown close to me ─ like he has earned such a special place in my heart.

The both of us stood there idly, wordless as we had nothing to say. There was much to say though ─ and even at this moment, I still couldn't pick up the courage to tell him what I really feel.

Abruptly, to my surprise, he stood even close to wrap his arms around me, leaning closer for an embrace.

My eyes widened as everything went so slow-paced. It was if the world stopped for that very second and all I felt was this embrace.

I could feel his heart beat faster from the inside of his chest as my feet stood there frozen, movement paralyzed, like I've just dispersed in the wind in his embrace.

Then he stood away, only to lean in closer to kiss my cheek.

And from that very moment, everything came back to normal and moved back to how awfully fast it was.

He reached for the inside of his jacket to hand me out a black-and-white picture: a picture of us when we were younger.

I look at him in astonishment. "Dude, what?" I whisper under my breath, audible enough for him to hear.

But when we met eyes, it was as if he disappeared at that very moment: he backed away with an unformed smile on his face, mouthing the words "I'll miss you" as he backed away to exit out the window and climb down the tree, running back home afterwards.

I run towards the window, sneaking my head out of it to watch Jovi run back home.

Standing there, resting my chest on both my arms as I watched the night sky exchange glances with the moon, I realize that maybe it really is time to go home now.

Maybe everything will be okay.