not alone | wowkwan

07

⚠️ WARNING: suicide, read at your own risk ⚠️

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byeongkwan begins to wander, letting his feet guide him to wherever they wanted. byeongkwan looks up to the sky as he walks and sees clouds covering the noon sun. the clouds looked heavy enough to rain. rain wasn't really a problem for byeongkwan as he couldn't feel the once familiar cold yet beautiful droplets.

byeongkwan looks around to see where he's at, finding himself on a sidewalk which had a playground beside it. the playground wasn't unfamiliar, it was actually once a very special place to byeongkwan when he was alive. he often hung out there as it was a place where he could get away from all the problems in his life; whether it be how to pay for the bills, college life, or just him constantly feeling like life was just trying to bring him down.

the playground was this special to him because it was where he would often would play with kids who were innocent to that of life's corruption. they didn't judge byeongkwan for who he was, they always smiled at him, and they all thought of him as a friend. they made him feel like he wasn't alone. but once the children's parents noticed byeongkwan playing with them, they became uncomfortable with him being around and thus told him not to come to the playground anymore. byeongkwan was never the one to argue, so he just went with what they wanted and decided to not go to the playground again.

after that, he didn't have a place where he could just forget, where he could feel happy. his life just spiraled down and down — his depression getting far worse with no one to help him or care for him. it got so bad that he just didn't want to live anymore, so he decided not to. one night, he went to the highest bridge he could find, climbed over the railings and jumped — his eyes closed as he could feel a rush of wind against his body, the wind was nice and cool, letting byeongkwan feel as though he was flying even though he was falling. the feeling only lasting a few moments, though, before he crashed into the cold water of the river below him. he felt content in the water before the feeling of being unable to breathe hit him. although it was painful, he didn't swim up to the surface, he let himself drift further down as he felt an immense amount of pain, the most he had ever felt as his lungs were begging for air. the pain continued before all he could see was black. he could no longer feel the pain, hear the sound of his heartbeat or the cars driving above him on the bridge he had just jumped off of— everything stopped. and like that, he was gone. he was dead.

as byeongkwan was reliving the moments in his mind he didn't notice that he started to silently cry. it was the first time he ever cried since he became a ghost, frankly he didn't even know ghosts could cry.

then the sky started to drizzle and his crying became harsher. he couldn't stop the tears as he started to sob. he couldn't explain why he was crying, he just did and couldn't stop. he covered his mouth so his whimpers wouldn't be heard — even though it was impossible for anyone to hear unless they were a ghost. he must of just got into the habit of covering his mouth whenever he cried when he was alive as someone hearing him would result in some very much unwanted attention from people who didn't even care about him anyways.

"hey, byeongkwan!" he hears a familiar voice call him as they run up to him, byeongkwan now squatting on the floor with his hands covering his mouth as he continued to sob.

"why are you...byeongkwan, is something wrong?" yuchan asks the blonde a question, not expecting any sort of answer in response. the teenager furrows his eyebrows in concern and frowns. yuchan hates seeing other people cry, especially ones he cares about — he remembers how much junhee cries and how he is unable to do anything but watch. yuchan hates that he can't help his brother. but since byeongkwan is also a ghost, he can help him, so he does just that. he kneels down besides byeongkwan and hugs him, byeongkwan almost immediately grabbing onto him. the older holds on tightly to yuchan, clutching the fabric of yuchan's white shirt between his fingers. the way byeongkwan held onto yuchan made the younger feel as if byeongkwan was afraid that he would disappear, so he also tightened his grip around him.

"byeongkwan, everything is okay. i'm here, you're not alone." yuchan says softly, hoping that it would help byeongkwan feel better. his calming words seem to work as byeongkwan's sobbing slowly turns into silent tears and then he stops crying altogether.

as byeongkwan lets go of yuchan and starts to wipe his eyes with his palms yuchan asks him if everything is okay.

byeongkwan nods. "it's just...this playground gave me memories of things i was trying to forget."

yuchan nods in acknowledgement.

"well, i was just wandering around because i got bored of junhee's college lectures and saw you across the street." yuchan explains. "i saw a cat cafe while i was walking...do you maybe want to go check it out? hopefully the cats can make you feel better."

yuchan smiles at byeongkwan and byeongkwan sniffles before giving him a smile back. "let's go."