MONSTER!! - A Tale Of Darkness

Trying To Fix Permanent Damage

Luigi woke up, gasping.

He looked at his hands and frowned. All he could think about was all the death that had occurred as a result of his actions. These memories were most of the only ones he had. He sighed, sadly. He regretted every bit of it, but the same part of him didn't. What is he supposed to do? Could he try making himself a better person, and break free from the violent cycle he had foolishly let himself fall into? He shook his head.
>Probably not... I've gone too far a long while ago.
He wiped away a few tears. He scared himself, quite terribly. He has few to no memories of his past, his real name exists in a part of his mind, but he can't remember it. Not fully. All he can remember is a single letter. L. Perhaps that was his name all along? On top of his lack of memories, all these symptoms that drive him into pure horror, voices, sounds, visions, as well as Wendigo and Beelzebub, who have influenced his most horrible decisions. Perhaps if he managed to dodge this cycle, he may have found himself with many of the same things he's forced to endure now... but maybe he wouldn't have become so vile and inhuman. He covered his face, beginning to cry. If only he had caught on to that spirit's trick. If only he realized it wanted to transform him into a murderer. If the thought even crossed his mind, he would have been saved, but he never considered it then, and now it's too late. He forced himself on his feet, trudging to the bathroom, seeing it stained red. He shivered, remembering why it was. He gazed at his reflection. He was like a caricature of something mistakenly labeled evil, and he hated himself for it.

-"But remember... they don't know that it's a person doing this..."-

L blinked rapidly. Beelzebub was right. Everyone thinks that the killer is an animal, not a person, especially not one with a mind even remotely similar to his. He laughed uncontrollably, but only for a moment or two. Remembering this didn't fix L's problem, but it made him feel so much better. Maybe he can't get one-hundred-percent better, and so what? So long as nobody finds out, he can't inadvertently hurt those living with conditions he could have had, ones that brought suffering, but were placed upon people more fortunate than he is. That has to be it,

right?

He had no idea, but his thoughts had grown too long and frantic, and that was the best one he could get. Maybe he can get better, gradually. But for now, he's the same as before, but now, he has a motive, for anything at all. He finally feels like someone again.

That was all he ever wanted.