Wasting Time

34

"Remember, we have quidditch trials this weekend Marly," James said to me the next day at lunch. I groaned.

"You aren't seriously making me try out again are you?" I complained.

"Don't worry about it, you're a better chaser than I am, you have a spot."

"Then why make me try out at all?" I asked, feeling that my point was proven.

"It can't look like I'm playing favorites, can it?"

"Yes it can. Who cares?" James shrugged at my question, but I knew he was set. I would have to try out again. "Where's Sirius?"

James shrugged again. "He went up to nap during his spare period I think. I imagine he'll be down any minute, he never misses lunch."

Lily entered the great hall, sitting down beside James and kissing his cheek.

"Hi Marls, you feeling any better?" She asked me.

"Still hungover, thanks for asking," I replied, giving her a goofy smile.

And then, as if on cue, Sirius entered the great hall. He looked enraged. And judging by the way he stormed over to me, he was. He stopped abruptly in front of me, but he didn't sit down.

"Hi baby," i said. I was trying to feel out the situation, but he didn't really give anything away.

"You left your jeans in my dorm last night," was all he said.

"What?I left my jeans there? How? I didn't even sleep there." I paused. "You know what, I don't even want to know."

"Well, I folding them to give them back to you, when I found this," he said angrily, holding up a folded piece of paper. Fuck.

Our friends looked very confused, but a look of recognition flashed across Mary's and Lily's faces.

"And what exactly is that, Padfoot?" Remus asked hesitantly.

"Why don't you ask my lovely girlfriend, Moony. Maybe she'll tell you what it is, because she sure as shit didn't tell me." His voice was getting louder and people were starting to look. I silently thanked the lord that Caradoc and Fabian had graduated last year.

"Sirius, can we not do this right now? I'm hungover and I don't want to fight with you," I said quietly.

"Well I guess you should have thought about that before you lied to me about it McKinnon!" He snapped.

Our friends all looked shocked. As far as they knew, Sirius and I had been doing so good lately. And we had been. Which was why I lied. I wouldn't even call it a lie, so much as an omission. Two omissions. I stood up now. It felt like it looked bad for Sirius to be yelling down at me while I quietly sat.

"Sirius, just let me explain," I started, but he cut me off.

"I thought we were past this McKinnon! Are you ever just gonna be honest with me? Oh wait, don't tell me, you're pregnant again, right?"

I flinched. It was a cheap shot and he knew it. Our friends faces were a mixture of confused and appalled. Everyone knew what Madame Pomfrey had told me, but no one knew why he would throw it in my face like that.

"What do you want me to tell you?" I asked defensively.

"How long has Pruitt been writing you?"

"Like, since we got back together? I don't know, I don't even read them!" He gave me a look. "Okay, I read them, but I don't respond to them!"

"You can't even be honest with me now, Jesus!" He shouted. I saw McGonagall give Lily a look that said 'get them out of here' but it was far too late for that. "And do you know what this letter says? It says it says 'I don't even care that you slept with Caradoc, can you say the same thing about Black?' I mean, are you fucking kidding me McKinnon? Were you ever going to tell me?"

"No!" I shouted back. "Do you feel better knowing about it? What's the point in you knowing what I did while we weren't together?"

"Because it's Dearborn! If it was anyone else, McKinnon, but Jesus. The guy I detest the most! Could you stoop any lower?" He paused. "Wait, I know the answer to that one, because you have."

"Yeah, that's why I did it!" I burst out. I closed my eyes, immediately regretting it.

James made an audible sound of surprise, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lily elbow him in the ribs. All eyes in the hall were on us. It had been a while since we'd had such a nasty, public fight. I looked back to Sirius, and he was livid.

"What?" He hissed. He wasn't yelling anymore, but this was worse.

"We were broken up. And I don't know if you remember, but it wasn't because of me," I said, deliberately and nastily. Sirius flinched at the words. It was another cheap shot. It was what Sirius and I were best at when we fought. "There was nothing that I could do, short of getting back together with you and sleeping with Remus, that would make you feel what I was feeling. So I got as close as I possibly could, I did the thing that would feel the most like a betrayal, and I did it. And then, I felt awful and I never told you, and I never wanted you to know. You don't even hate him, you're just insecure!"

The last bit was nastier than necessary. But it was what we did. We fed off each other when we got like this. No blow was too low, no shot too cheap.

Sirius was at a loss for words now. He turned and stormed back out of the hall as quickly as he had come. James and Peter got up and followed him. I stood in the middle of the hall for a few moments before turning and running as well. I knew Sirius would go to the lake, so I ran all the way to Gryffindor common room and into my dorm.

Lily and Remus must have followed me, because they entered the dormitory shortly behind me. They sat down next to me, not saying anything. There was a small smile on Lily's face.

"What are you smiling about," I asked.

"It's just nice to know, that even when we're all sad about our last year and everything, some things never change." That put a smile on Remus' face as well.

"Well, I'm glad you guys are finding joy in my misery," I rolled my eyes.

"You guys will be fine. You always are," she said. I shook my head.

"No, I messed up really bad this time. I promised him we were done with the lies."

"I thought you told me you didn't lie to each other?" Lily questioned.

"Well that was a lie," was all I could say.

Remus frowned slightly before speaking. "What do you mean, you promised you were done with the lies?"

I sighed. I guess they were bound to find out eventually.

"When we were first together, like very first, back in fifth year, I used to lie to him about everything, anything really. We pushed each other a lot back then, but not in the good way we do now. We did anything we could to get a rise out of each other. We flirted with other people, we kissed other people, whatever."

"It can't have been that bad," Remus said soothingly. I looked at him, sadly, and a little afraid.

"If I tell you guys the worst thing I've ever done, will you hate me?"

"Marlene, we could never hate you," Lily said.

"There's nothing you could have done that would make us hate you. We've forgiven Sirius for everything he's ever done," Remus pointed out.

"Around April-ish of fifth year, I was really, really angry at him. He had kissed Elizabeth Vane, which wasn't anything new, it was just how we were. But something was different that time, and I was so mad at him. So I told him that I was pregnant. And I told him that if he told anyone, we were done. And I let him believe it for two weeks."

Remus let out a low whistle. "Okay so that's not great. But it's not any worse than some of the things he's done."

"I know that. But that's why he's so mad about the lying. That was such an awful two weeks for him, and for me if I'm being honest, and lying became like a really big dealbreaker for him," I explained.

"Look," Lily said. "We all do fucked up things sometimes. Sirius knows that better than anyone. He'll get over it."

"But he is very dramatic,"Remus added. "So it might take him a couple days."