california world - dreamnotfound

i don't feel a thing

i'm sat on the rock hard concrete sidewalk, leaning my back against an equally solid brick wall. really i've been sitting here all day, with not much to do. a few days ago i was kicked out of yet another shelter and since then all i've been doing is thinking.

once again in my life i have nowhere to go, no purpose to my existence. i should be out grinding, getting money but to be honest i've just felt numb recently. too tired to look for work. i can't just trust anyone out here either, as that would be a one-way ticket to hell. the streets are filled with backstabbers.

i sigh when suddenly a familiar voice calls out my name.

"george!"

i jolt up, scanning the area around me.

"george!" he shouts again. it's nick. he's running towards me, wildly flailing his arms in excitement.

"nick! dude!"
"oh my god george," he rambles while taking a seat next to me, "i'm so happy to see you man! it's been ages! i almost thought you was a goner."
"it's really only been like a week, but sure," i point out and laugh.
"basically the same thing. also, look what i got!"

he pulls a few packs of cigarettes from his pockets, grinning widely at me.

"dude, you're a lifesaver!" i exclaim, snatching one from his hand, "how much money did you make?"
"bold of you to assume i used money," he states.

we both laugh, collectively lighting our cigarettes and looking out over the almost empty streets.

"so what's been going on with you? any new girls?"
"sadly no," i frown, "i was kicked out of that shelter too, things aren't going great at the moment."
"fuck really? i was hoping i could slide my way in there."

"how about you? what was the name of that girl you used to fuck with?"
"julia?" he wonders, taking a drag, "haven't seen her in a long time."
"shit, i'm sorry man. i could tell you liked her."
"yeah, i swear i'll never find someone like that again."

the conversation dies out. i take one last drag of my cigarette before throwing it to the asphalt, then i quickly pull out my phone to check the time. i realize it's almost 9 pm, giving me just over an hour to get to the mall before they close so i can use their wi-fi to call clay.

i hate calling clay and begging for money, i know that he's having a rough time too, but at the same time he's always stating that he loves helping me. we've become insanely close friends during the past couple of months and i know that he'll always stay by my side, no matter what happens.

i believe i've even developed feelings for him, that's how far it's gone. and it's not because he plugs me with shit, it's because he's a genuinely amazing guy who on top of that is far too attractive for his own good.

i stand up, groaning and stretching.

"i gotta go talk to clay, need money, you coming?"
"again? poor dude," nick points out.
"i know i know, but is dumpster diving better? or starving? is that what you're feeling tonight?"
"nah, i get it."

"so what, you coming or not?"
"of course i'm coming dude, give me your hand," he chuckles.

i take his hand and pull him up from the ground.

slowly we walk towards the mall, under the warm glow of the suns last rays.

"i wouldn't wanna lose you out here again."