The Rise And Fall Of The Stag And The Doe

fix you

Flinching away from the blinding sunlight, Lily snuggled into her sheets instinctively, her hair falling into her face and tickling the end of her nose. She smiled when she felt an arm tighten around her, and that smile grew, when a familiar pair of lips pressed themselves, lightly, to the side of her face.

"What time is it?" Lily asked, not bothering to open her eyes.

James said, "1pm."

"What?!" Lily's eyes snapped open, shot up and she looked around wildly.

"Relax, your father isn't being buried until later and one of the prefects has graciously taken over all of our Head duties for the day."

Lily sank back against her bed.

Like a slap to the face, she remembered whose funeral she was supposed to attend in a few hours. Shivering, Lily realized she was still naked from the night before, but once she realized that they were the only ones that would ever be in this house she felt even barer.

"Hey," James murmured, his hazel eyes, unguarded from his usual glasses, stared at the outlines of her face.

Tears came before she was even aware of it, and instead of fighting it, she gave in. Tightening her sheets around her chest, she tipped over onto James slowly, her face tucking into the space between his shoulder and throat. The rhythm of his heart was always strong and steady, even when she just held his hand she could feel it through her palm, but now, feeling it so close to her helped. It gave her something to hold onto in a world that had already fallen apart around her more times then she could count.

"James," She said, in a strained sort of voice.

"What, honey?" James asked softly, running his hands down her back. He pulled back to get a look at her face.

She laughed a little, despite the weight on her heart. "You can't see a thing can you?"

"I see...white...and red."

Lily reached over, snatched his glasses of the bed and carefully slipped them onto his face. "Here."

He pushed them up with the tip of his index finger before giving her a lazy grin. "There you are." James said tenderly, squishing her cheek.

She took his hand, and molded it to the side of her face. "You are always so warm."

"I have to be, with my little igloo girlfriend." He teased.

Her expression turned from amused to serious, and she grabbed her hands in hers. She needed him to know how she felt, but she didn't know how to explain it. Lily had told him she loved him, but that seemed to be too simple. That didn't cover how she felt at that moment. James was an idiot, but he was her idiot and he was sweet, smart, athletic and everything she never thought she'd want. When she pictured the guy she'd want to be with, he was never goofy or mischievous. In her mind, the guy for her was always studious and serious like she liked to imagine she was, but after being with James. After just sitting next to him, having him comfort her just by saying her name. She didn't understand what it was, but she wanted him to know. She needed him to know how even when she hated him she still loved her with every piece of her heart. She needed him to know that despite how long it took her to get to it, she was so completely in love with him that sometimes it hurt her to think about what she would do without him.

"I love you." Lily said, her voice thick. "And I know I've said it and you know that, but..." Her face bent forward. "I mean it. I know if you date someone usually you say it and you think you feel it because after spending enough time with someone you feel attracted and like them, so you feel like you should be in love with them. Because otherwise what's the point?"