The Rise And Fall Of The Stag And The Doe

sperperate ways

"I can't believe it's been a year." Marlene whispered.

Sirius forced a nod, his face was impassive and he stared down at the sleek stone blankly. He hadn't blinked in a few minutes; he just stood there in his leather jacket, a white t-shirt and pair of his jeans, without a single real thing to say.

It was late June.

Christmas, New Years, Dorcas's birthday, Lily's birthday, James's birthday and all of the holidays had just... flashed by. They had a handful of new scars, and had seen a lot of things they never had meant to, but somehow they still stood.

Sirius flicked his wand to dissolve the old flowers and left a batch of new ones. He inhaled sharply and nudged her along to the next plaque. This time he didn't look at the stone as he had for the past few they had paid their respects to. This time he looked at the horizon, and listened to the sound of Marlene's uneven breaths.

Looking at her would have hurt. It wasn't that she'd be crying, it was that nothing that he could ever do would make her pain go away.

He had once told James that he wished it hadn't happened. That if he could do anything to bring Colton back, he would do it. He never liked the guy, but anything that would have hurt Marlene...wasn't worth happening.

They were nineteen, it was summer but there was a heaviness that came with them. Things they couldn't change and things, no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't walk away from it.

The war was no longer just beginning or in the background, it was everywhere and it was in everything. It was in the dampness of their bones, and nothing, not the heat, nor the sunshine could take it away.

His hands in his pockets, he said, "We should go."

She nodded, straightening up, they both apparated out of the cemetery.

"UGH," Remus groaned kicking a chair out of his way. "Why the fuck can't I get this?"

Lily tucked her legs and her butt, adjusting on the table surface. "Because, it's hard."

"You could do it."

"Yes, but I couldn't defeat a bogart." Lily said. "You also mastered nonverbal faster than James and neither of us can do wandless, but you can."

"Don't give me any of that, 'we all have our special strengths' crap." Remus snapped. "Next thing I know you'll tell me Peter couldn't do it to make me feel better."

Lily raised her hands defensively. "You are in a lovely mood today."

"Sorry...I just...It's frustrating."

"I understand, but actually Sirius can't do it either and Peter mastered it before Dorcas did. And your girlfriend is the best at offensive spells."

"...Is it sick that that does make me feel better?"

Lily chuckled, shaking her head. "Take the victories where you can get them."

He sat down in the chair next to the one he just kicked over, a line of sweat on his forehead. Putting down his wand, he sighed and ran his hands over his face. They'd been working at it for hours, or more he had and still he couldn't get it. Not that he expected it to be easy, but James had made it look like it might be. It took him two tries and it only took Lily one. So he figured if he could do it, then he should be able to. After all they were all at the same skill range, but Remus was becoming quite irritated.

"Why is this so hard for me?...I'm trying."

"I know you are." Lily said, reaching over and rubbing his shoulder sympathetically. "Wanna tell me what memories you are using?"