𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐣𝐢𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠

𝐝

mark

i

t's been more than a month, i miss you so bad. i've been messaging you occasionally but you don't seem to open my messages.

i'm having one of those extremely lonely nights, as if every night without you isn't sad enough. i badly need you right now, i didn't know how to deal with myself.

it was one of those moments that i have flashbacks of how my parents left me. it's been fifteen years but the pain still lingers.

and the thought of you leaving me soon came back. i was close to having a panic attack.

usually, you will go here to comfort me but now, we don't even talk anymore.

but i need you.

i know you aren't gonna message me first so i gathered all my courage to do so.

here goes nothing.

_____________________

7:15 pm

me:
hey, jinyoung-ah.
how are you?
it's been a while...

7:45 pm
jinyoung:
hi mark!
i'm okay
but can we talk later?
i'm with sooyeon and she
gets easily jealous when i
don't pay attention to her
byeee

me:
oh, okay
take care
message me whenever you can :)

hours passed and you never replied.
with my lonesome thoughts, i swallowed my pride and messaged you again, hoping that you're still awake.

1:20 am
me:
jinyoung?
are you awake?

1:29 am
jinyoung:
mark?
why are you still awake
i'm about to sleep
i just ended my call with sooyeon

1:31 am
me:
nothing, i just feel sad
you know like the usual
was wondering if you
can sing for me?
helps me calm down.

jinyoung:
just sleep it out
i can't sing for you tonight
sorry mark
i'm really tired
but you can tell me
all about it if it makes you
feel better.

me:
okay, jinyoung
sleep tight.

jinyoung:
but mark,
at least tell me
what's bothering you?

me:
it's alright,
it's not that
important anyways
goodnight jinyoung.

why would i even bother you. i feel like i'm bothering you with my emotionally unstable self. i mean you wouldn't want me ruining your day with my thoughts. maybe it's best if i just keep it all to myself

i went out of my balcony and stared at the moon. it was so bright and comforting. i sighed and let my sad tears pathetically fall down my cheeks. sobs and whimpers escaped from my system.

i knew that i was sad. but, am i really this sad? do i really like you that much? did i grow too attached to you that i can't accept the fact that i'm not your number one priority anymore?

maybe. or maybe i was just falling deeply for you. that, is a fact that i am very much willing to accept. even without the assurance of you feeling the same way towards me.

"why do people always leave me alone?" i managed to sob out before crying my exhausted self to sleep under millions of stars in the sky.

__________________

jinyoung

i suddenly can't sleep so i decided to go out of my balcony.

i saw you facing the other way, you can't see me but i can see you very clearly.

you're crying. like never before.

you said it's okay. but why are you crying so hard right now?

i was happy but seeing you in your vulnerable state when you think no one can see, breaks my heart.

"why do people always leave me alone?" you sobbed out before falling asleep.

am i really drifting so far away from you? why does it hurt to see you suffer alone?

i was very sure that i like sooyeon. but why do i feel like protecting you all the time? why do i feel so affected when i see you cry or when i see you laugh but i'm not the reason behind your smiles?

it can't be, right? maybe it's just because i'm so used to being with you all the time.

nonetheless, i hope you're alright. i'll try to always be there for you. i can't bear seeing you like that.

note:
look who finally decided to update :D i don't know where this story is going because i forgot the original plan in my head. although there are a few chapters in my drafts, i am not sure if the future chapters will be as consistent as the ones i have written last november.

til the next update!! i hope you're staying healthy.