ever after | JJBA oneshots

La Squadra x gn!Reader | Ghostbusters

Category: Crack?? Horror?? Idk
Word Count: 929

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A loud bang on one of the walls abruptly shakes you from your sleep. Heart pounding just a bit harder than usual, you sit up in bed and sleepily look around. Of course, your bedroom is completely dark and you're not a bat or whatever, so you can't see anything.

Except a dark figure standing in your doorway.

It almost looks like it's reaching out to grab you . . .

A chill runs down your spine, and (like any normal person would do) you spit out some Latin words you once heard banish demons and reach for the gun on your nightstand. However, the lights flick on, burning your eyes. "Foul demon! Don't think you can blind me so easi--!"

"Y/N, it's me," Risotto says tiredly.

" . . . Oh." You pull your hand away from the gun.

Once your eyes adjust, you realize he's wearing his baggy pajamas and looks like a tired, lost adult child (idek). He rubs his eyes and adds, "We have a situation, and you're helping because somehow I know you have something to do with this."

At once, you hop out of bed and approach him, asking, "What have the guys done now?"

"Ouija board" is all he says.

You follow him down to the living room, where you see quite the sight to behold. A Ouija board sits on the table, but no one's currently sitting at it. The rest of the guys are huddled together on the couch. Illuso is in the center, and everyone's gathered around him, shaking with wide eyes. With the exception of Prosciutto, however, who looks annoyed as he takes a long drag off his cigarette and tries to nudge Pesci out of his personal space. You fight the urge to take out your phone and snap a quick picture.

"Melone," Risotto begins, startling the men, "tell Y/N what you guys did."

The violet-haired man lifts his head from Ghiaccio's shoulder. His face is painted with pure terror, something you'd never seen in all your time with La Squadra. "We decided to play with the totally-not-suspicious Ouija board we got at the creepy shop, and I think we summoned something. And whatever it is, it's really mean."

"It hit me," Pesci says quietly, pushing himself further into Prosciutto's personal bubble.

You sigh, already knowing you're gonna be up all night. "Sweet Jesus. Did you make a salt circle like I told you to do?"

"No," Melone squeaks.

I growl loudly and glance around for the fork. "mELONE I TOLD YOU OUIJA BOARDS ARE LIKE OMEGLE, YOU NEVER KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING TO"

He nods and lets out a whimper.

You sigh, calming down a bit. "Alright, who here actually knows how to banish an entity because I sure as hell don't."

Formaggio meekly raises a hand. "We can try banging on pots and pans and screaming. I heard that works."

You shrug. "Better than what I've got, so let's do this."

--15 minutes of banging on pots and pans and Ghiaccio screaming about Venezia later--

You sit down on the couch and flex your wrists, the noisemaking having took a toll on them. The beginnings of a headache forms behind one of your eyes.

Risotto sits down next to you, apparently tired as well. He stares straight ahead with a blank expression, save for a ghost of a smirk that forms on his lips. It gives you an unsettling feeling; you've never seen him smile before. "Hey, Y/N," he says quietly in a monotone voice, "did you know that if you're trying to banish something you're supposed open a door or window for it to leave through? I realize now that no one did that."

Your phone buzzes in your pocket. You pull it out of your hoodie and read the notification.

Rice Rice Baby:
what the actual fUCK are you gremlins doing down there I'm tryna sleEP

You put your phone away and glance at "Risotto"'s empty hands. "And why didn't you tell us that earlier?"

The creature looks at you and smiles, a black aura now surrounding it. "Because I didn't want to leave."

Its form morphs into a black, swirling cloud. It stands and looks down at you with shining crimson eyes and a wide smile.

You sigh. "Really? Couldn't you have at least taken my form so that I could've slept through this?"

"Why of course not," it replies. "I need assistance for what I plan to do with La Squadra, and you're the perfect candidate. I need someone bitter, the saltiest of people, to do this." It leans in closer. "You see, it's been a long time since I last had a feast, and I'm quite hungry. Give me permission to eat your friend's souls."

You pursed your lips, considering it for a moment. "Nah, I'm good."

"Pardon?"

"I know I joke about selling them to the devil for a corn chip every now and then, but at the end of the day, it's the emo jester who signs my paychecks." You get up off the couch and open front door. "Now get out of here before I get the white candles."

Grumbling, the demon reluctantly exits the hideout.

The next morning

Risotto comes down to eat breakfast, blissfully unaware of what transpired the night before.

However, everyone else now knows exactly what happened.

Big tidd--I mean, Risotto fills a bowl with cereal before pouring in the milk like a normal person. When he puts the milk back in the fridge, he notices everyone staring at him. " . . . What??"