The lost queen

It was awful

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We rode the beautiful Vienna. I did not think I would like it here, but I like it. I think I will be able to get closer to Nicolas today. I looked at him, but he was thoughtful, I did not want to interrupt his thoughts. I turned to the window and considered Vienna again. I saw big trees in the distance and I knew we had arrived.

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We sat on a big blanket and drank Rose, but we did not say anything. I was thinking about what to say, but Nicolas intercepted me.

Nicolas: I used to come here often with my father.

Me: This is a very beautiful place. I like it here.

Nicolas: I have not been the best to you since you came. I thought I could hate you, I thought I could pretend I did not care. But I care. While we were driving, I thought I could love you, but I realized I could not do that either.

Me: I am not even asking you to love me. I think we can find a middle ground. I think you can care and love, it is just trapped somewhere in the dark memories, memories of your family dying. It is okay to be down for a few months or a year, but I think that you can live normally now. You are strong and ignoring your emotions does not make you any stronger. 

Nicolas: I loved once. Her name was Maya. It was just childish love...

Me: That is the most sincere love. Children do not know how to hate.

Nicolas: Maybe you are wrong. When I was fifteen I was very much in love with her, already at sixteen I wanted to marry her, but at seventeen she turned her back on me and I found out that she had been with me all these years to get closer to my brother. Her love for him was sincere. I was never the one. I am always the second choice.

Me: You were just your father's first choice...

Nicolas: Yes...

Me: Maybe just in your eyes. What if someone else cared but you were so blinded that your brother gets everything you want, a girlfriend, a throne, attention, that you did not even notice how some other eyes are watching and taking care of you.

Nicolas: You can not change me. You do not even have to try.

His words cut directly into my heart.

Nicolas: We are going back to the palace.

He got up and went to the car. I sat for a few more minutes, though it seemed like an eternity to me. I thought about him, how could he say something like that.

Nicolas: Come on, hurry up. We will have guests for dinner, we have to get ready.

I got up and headed for the car. When we went back to the palace, Nicolas didn't even want to sit next to me. He was sitting in the passenger seat even though it was not allowed.

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In my room...

Mariella was making a braid for me, and I was thinking.

Mariella: You're so conceited today. How was the picnic with the king?

Me: Do not even ask. It was awful. I thought I could reach him while his mother was in Salzburg, but I was wrong.

We heard the door open.

Mariella: Your Highness, (she bowed down) how can I help you?

He just walked past her. He grabbed my elbow and whispered...

Nicolas: Remember, today you have to look happy and act like we are happy together. Don't embarrass my family.

I just nodded and he left. Mariella finished with the braid and helped me put on the dress. I put on a baby pink ball gown, silver shoes and put on silver earrings. Mariella put a tiara on me and brought me a necklace with opal in the traditional color.

Me: It is beautiful.

Mariella: Usually the king's mother does not allow anyone to wear it, as it is the necklace of her great-great-great-grandmother. Since she's not here, and I think she'd look good on you, I had to give her to you, but please take care of her.

Me: Thank you, Mariella. 

Mariella: Do you want to talk about today?

Me: Maybe another time, I won't be late.

Mariella: I understand. 

Me: Go and put on the most beautiful dress you have.

Mariella: Why?

Me: My ladies are in Bulgaria, and I have to have a female escort.

She just laughed and headed outside.

Me: You know what? Choose one of my dresses today, I think we're wearing the same size.

Mariella: Thank you, your majesty.

Me: Please, call me Sofia.

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