In The Realms of the Unreal

Chapter 7

A little while later, the TARDIS touched down. The group stepped out of it and were immediately met with the sight of several glass skyscrapers towering over them. The sky was turning orange and the sun was setting.
"Well here we are" The Doctor took a deep breath "Miami Florida, roughly five minutes after we left the village"

Scully also took a deep breath. After the dark tunnels of the village and the musty library of the Abbey Of The Rose, it felt good to be back in human civilisation. Mulder turned to Mcclane
"So where's this friend of yours live?"

Mcclane paused "I don't know. But I know how we can find out."

Mcclane then stepped over to a nearby phonebooth, checked the book, inserted a coin into the slot and dialed the number.
He then spent several minutes inside the booth talking on the phone. When Mcclane emerged, he had a big grin on his face
"I just spoke to Jerry and told him what's going on" Mcclane explained "He's agreed to let us stay at his place"
"Jerry?" Emma remarked
"Yeah" Mcclane nodded "Jerry Seinfeld. He used to be a pretty big player on the comedy circuit til he got arrested for breaking some good samaritan law. Then he spent a year in prison and moved down here."
"You have his address?" The Doctor asked. Mcclane told him.

A little later, the group emerged from the TARDIS yet again, to find themselves in a rather affluent neighbourhood. By now, the sun had set and the crickets were chirping. Notably, despite being nighttime in February, it was still pretty warm which no doubt had something to do with Florida's climate.
Mcclane lead them up to the door of the house and rang the bell. A few seconds later, the door opened revealing a black haired man who could have been as young as 25 or as old as 45. When he saw Mcclane he smiled
"Hey John! How's things going for you up in New York?"

Mcclane shrugged "You know the usual. Bills to pay, criminals to catch"
Jerry then glanced over at the rest of the group
"So these guys are your friends? How'd you all meet anyway"

Mcclane laughed "It's a long story. It'd be better if we told you inside"

Now it was Jerry's turn to laugh "Of course. You guys look like you've had quite the journey"

"You don't know the half of it" Emma muttered

The inside of Jerry's home was extremely neat and organised. There wasn't a single speck of dust on any of the furniture. Mulder caught a glimpse of a box of records and had a quick thumb through. Among the notable records included were Autobahn's Nagelbett and Spinal Tap's The Sun Never Sweats
. 
"Well" Mulder thought to himself "At least Mcclane's friend's got decent taste in music"       Jerry's Bookshelf was less impressive, containing more than a few Robin Masters paperbacks, but Mulder knew that nobody was perfect.

After the group had gathered in Jerry's living room with a cup of coffee, Jerry asked Mcclane
"So what kinda crazy adventure have you gotten yourself mixed up in this time?"

The Doctor and the others proceeded to explain to Jerry what they'd been through, from how they'd all received messages, how they'd ended up at the hotel in England, the mission they'd been assigned to their adventures in the Village and the Abbey of the Rose. When they'd finished, Jerry put his hands behind his head, leaned back and whistled
"Wow. That's one hell of a crazy story"

"That's an understatement" Scully muttered to herself
Jerry then leaned forward "So what are you guys smoking and can I have some?"
"Oh no" Emma shook her head "I assure you it's 100 per cent the truth"

"Well excuse me if I have my doubts" Jerry folded his arms "But that's a pretty tall story. I mean time travel, killer white bubbles and dark alien forces bent on destroying the universe? Excuse me if I'm a little bit sceptical about the whole thing"

The Doctor grinned "If I said I had the book we brought back from the abbey with me, would that change your mind?"
Jerry sat back "It might"


At that, the Doctor produced the copy of the Necronomicon from inside his jacket. Carefully he handed it to Jerry who proceeded to study the cover for several seconds. He then looked up at the Doctor
"And you're telling me this is the exact copy kept in the Abbey of the Rose's library. The same library which burned to the ground centuries ago?"

"I am" The Doctor held his hand out. Jerry handed him back the book.

"So what are you guys gonna do now?" Jerry asked
"We're gonna need a place to stay" Mulder told him "Your friend here said that your place was the best bet"

Jerry frowned "Well I guess I can let you stay as long as you don't dirty the place up"

"Then it's settled" The Doctor shook Jerry's hand "The rest of you get some sleep"

"And what are you gonna do?" Mcclane asked
"I'm going to have a look through the Necronomicon and see if I can work out anything from it" The Doctor explained.

The next morning, Jerry was the first one to awaken. After putting on his dressing gown, he headed downstairs to make his usual bowl of cereal for breakfast. As he walked past the living room however, Jerry noticed the Doctor was still sitting where he'd been when they left him last night with his face in the Necronomicon. Jerry walked over and tapped him on the shoulder
"Hey doc? You OK?"

At that, the Doctor bolted up. He then looked around confused

"Where am I? What's going on?"
"You were sleeping on that book of yours" Jerry explained "Did you find what you were looking for?"

The Doctor sighed "No I'm afraid not. The Necronomicon is a difficult book to read in the first place and looking for any kind of hidden code in it is beyond even my capabilities"

Jerry thought for a second
"Well Doc, I think I might be able to help you on this one"

"Why?" the Doctor asked "Can you decode hidden messages in ancient black magic texts?"

"No but I vaguely know a guy who might be able to."

This caught the Doctor's attention "Oh really? Who?"

"Well his name's Reilly. He runs an antique book store just off the Wynwood district. From what I've heard though, he's an expert on the whole ancient medieval book scene."

The Doctor was intrigued "Have you met him personally?"
Jerry shook his head "Well...no. But I've heard a lot of good stuff about the guy."

The Doctor shrugged "I guess it's worth a shot. At this point, I suppose we can't afford to be choosing beggars"

After the rest of the group had woken up and had breakfast, the Doctor gathered them in the living room and explained to them what Jerry had told him. When he finished Mcclane nodded
"Reilly huh? Is he really that good"

"That's what I've heard" Jerry told him "Course I've never actually met the guy so I can't say for sure if he'll be able to help you"

"Still" Emma said "He sounds like an interesting fellow. Hopefully we'll get something out of all this"

"Just one last thing" Jerry turned to the Doctor "Can I join you on your adventure?"

Slightly taken aback by this, Scully asked "Why?"
Jerry smiled sheepishly "To tell you guys the truth, business has been slow since I went to prison. It turns out that prison sentences aren't a major boost to the career of a stand up comedian"

Jerry then sensed the looks on everyone's faces 
"Oh don't worry about money. I'm fine for that. It's just that everything's so damn boring around here. Miami may have great weather, but it's actually pretty quiet"

The Doctor smiled "I guess an extra ally won't hurt. Just try not to get in the way"

"Ah don't worry bout that" Jerry replied "I can hold my own in a fight if that's what you mean"


A few minutes later, the group set off from Jerry's house and caught a bus to the Wynwood area of Miami. After navigating the endless array of shops, they soon arrived at a dusty old shop tucked between a greasy pizza restaurant and a shop selling tacky souvenirs for tourists. Although the sign on the door said it was open, the shop was hardly bustling with customers. In fact most ordinary people would have probably walked past it without a second glance. However the group were far from ordinary people.

As they pushed the door open and entered the shop, a bell above the door tinkled. Stepping inside, it was soon obvious that this was definitely an antique bookstore. All across the shelves were hundreds of old books, some with yellowish pages and fading covers, some that had been preserved so well, they almost looked new. A musty smell hung in the air like the sort of thing one would smell in the aisles of a hospital. However there was nobody in the shop, not even behind the counter.

Walking up to the counter, Mcclane noticed a bell on the front desk which he proceeded to ring a couple of times

"Hey!" he yelled "Anybody home?"

"Just a second!" yelled a voice

A second later, a rather rotund man stepped through the door behind the desk. He had a moustache which was mostly black although with shades of grey and a green hat with flaps over his ears. When he saw the group, he spoke
"Welcome to the this humble abode of wisdom" he said in an accent that was part eloquent Englishman and part southern gentleman "We have all manner of classic books from a more enlightened era in the shop. Perchance was there anything in particular you had in mind?"
"Am I to presume you're mr Reilly?" the Doctor asked
"Indeed I am" the man replied, offering his hand to the Doctor who shook it "Ignatius Reilly of Reilly's rare books at your service"
"That's very good, because we kinda require your services" Mulder told him
"I'd be more than happy to assist" Ignatius beamed "Now are we looking for a specific book or are we just after a certain era of writing"
"Neither" Emma said "We're actually here because we've heard of your talents"

"Is that so?" Ignatius asked "And in what way do you require my vast knowledge of literature"
The Doctor leaned forward "Would you believe we've got an authentic ancient copy of the Necronomicon? And that it's the most complete copy ever to exist"

Ignatius was understandably taken aback by this remark "Why good sir, I would say that's outride preposterous! Such a book if it exists... why it would be nothing short of a miracle!"
At that, the Doctor produced the copy of the Necronomicon and placed it on the counter. Ignatius's eyes widened as he picked up the book. After looking it over, he spoke again
"Why I can confirm that what you say is true. Where the devil did you find it?"
The Doctor tapped his nose "We have our sources"

Ignatius nodded "I see. So what do you want me to do with it"

"I know this is gonna sound a little crazy" Mulder explained "But we've heard there are secret codes hidden within the book that tell us where we want to go. We heard you were the best guy for this stuff, so we thought you could take a look at it"

"It would be my pleasure!" Ignatius exclaimed "An opportunity such as this only comes around once in a thousand lifetimes! I shall take a good hard look through the book and contact you if there's anything I find."


After the group had left their details with Ignatius, they decided to get some lunch. So at Jerry's recommendation they travelled to a nearby food stand called El Paraiso. Incidentally this was the same food stand in which notorious drug baron Tony Montana worked at before entering the drug industry. Of course his once glorious reign was brought to an end by a UN hearing on the activities going on which in turn lead to greater legislation against drug trafficking although ex Miami Vice cop Sonny Crockett would later claim that much of the legislation was essentially a rubber stamp.
But heading back to our main narrative, after enjoying a fine lunch, the group received a call from Ignatius and raced there to find out what he had discovered.

"So I had a good scan through the pages" Ignatius explained "I began testing the various columns of letters and mathematically calculated-"

"Cut to the chase" Mcclane interrupted "Did you find anything or not?"

"Well... I did discover what may be a sort of prophecy" Ignatius replied "A sort of verse describing runes and some sort of great evil"

"That must be it!" Emma said "What did it say!"
"Well I checked. Apparently 6 ancient runes are needed to reawaken a great force" Ignatius replied "Apparently this will determine the fate of the world"

"Great" Mulder sighed "Now we've just gotta find these 6 runes and we'll be high and dry!"

"Do you have any idea where they are?" asked the Doctor
"I have a vague idea" Ignatius explained "From my own research, I've determined that there may have been something discovered in Los Angeles around the summer of 1959. Where it was found and where it ended up though is beyond me."

"Well then" The Doctor nodded "We'll just have to head there won't we?"
He then turned to Ignatius "Keep searching the books. The fate of the entire universe could very well depend on it"

"As you wish" Ignatius replied as the group walked out. When they'd left he shook his head
"What an extraordinary bunch of characters. Oh well. I suppose it does take all sorts"

Notes:

Ignatius Reilly is from John Kennedy Toole's A Confederacy Of Dunces 

Tony Montana was the main character in Brian De Palma's Scarface while Sonny Crockett is from the TV series Miami Vice 

Spinal Tap were a fictional rock band created for the mockumentary This is Spinal Tap while Autobahn were a Kraftwerk-esque techno music group from The Big Lebowski

Robin Masters was a fictional bestselling author from the TV series Magnum P.I.