Unanswered Questions

Have Respect For Your Elders

I miss him, I know I shouldn't but... I do. I love him even if he is an adult. my heart beats fast when I think about him, it skips a beat when I see him, yet I'm completely calm. I miss his jet black hair and his wide dimpled smile, and the way he holds up a peace sign instead of waving hello or goodbye. 

 I know it's wrong but there is no denying how I feel about him Even if I am only 16, when I see him my whole world Ignites, like a billion fire crackers dazzling in the night sky reflecting onto the beautiful lake water. I know he feels it too, I see it in his eyes when he looks at me. There is a mutual trust and affection it's indescribable yet there are so many words you can describe it with. the shimmering glint in his eyes when I'm around makes me feel exited like a child getting exactly what they wanted for Christmas. 

"Mercy-Ann!"

"Mercy-Ann!!"

I snapped out of my daydream and I zoned back into reality remembering that I was in Social Economics with my brute of a mom as the teacher, I know how Ironic. My mom being the most unapproachable human known to man is my socialism teacher. 

"Mercy, Stay after class for a while, class is dismissed." Mrs. Becklin dismissed everyone and sat down to stare at her computer while talking to me, typical. 

"Do we need to have a discussion on why you can't seem to focus for the past few months" She cut right to the chase and wasted no time. 

"I'm fine. You just bore me to death." I blatantly said portraying our relationship in one sentence.

"Maybe you should take that up with your counselor." She said with the bitterness giving a foul stench to her tone. "Goodbye Ann." She said not one looking up from her computer screen the entire conversation. It was very short-lived I don't even know if I can even call it a conversation at that point. I exited the classroom without a single word or action and made my way to the pep rally. 'Just great it's probably packed now' I frowned.

It was the beginning of the pep rally and like usual I sat alone. I'm A very socially awkward person and I rarely talk to anyone, I don't find much joy in social interaction and I never have. I walked down the hallway and into the ginormous corridor stained with school spirit and Marigold pep everywhere. Our school mascot is a flower and I know i'm not the only one who thinks that is ridiculous along with pep rally's in general. As I made my way to the green lunch tables, I had to sit all the way in the back because it was full everywhere else. The pep rally seemed to drag out as my mind lingered to him, I then remembered a note he had given me earlier this week before he went off to college. 

I reached into my pink backpack and grasped the item with my name on it. It was very clean folded and neatly placed in an envelope. I tore it open as the final act came out, the marching band came out to play there signature song. loud crashing and thumping was vibrating through my ear drums as I unfolded the note and read.

Dear Mercy-Ann, 

                 As you and I are both aware, we hold deep regards for each other. our connection is nothing short of momentous. It has come to my attention that this must not go on. as you know I am turning 25 very soon, and I can not be bound to you. It is unprofessional for us to continue this relationship any further than a friendship. I hope all goes well for you in the future. please stay in touch with me. 

                                                                                                                         Sincerely, Wilson

I won't lie I couldn't  configure, I was in shock. 

BANG!

The last bang of the steel drum ended the pep rally and everyone started to clear out of the corridor in a large mess that was still somehow orderly fashion. 

I just sat there I couldn't move my mouth was agape. I felt a sudden rush or anxiety that quickly turned into sadness. 

"Only if I was older"

"Only if I was older"

"Only if I was older"

I kept telling myself It was my fault for not being born at the right time but it came to me that it was my dastardly mothers fault for birthing me too late. I got up from my seat, I felt a rush of emotions at some point I even convinced myself to hate him, but all in all I respect him and his choices.

I walked into the hallway into the half-alive grass field and I looked up into the sky and smiled.

"wherever you are I hope you're happy" I said and mt ocean blue eyes, for the first time in years let out a singular salty tear.