Maddox Academy: Grievous Beginnings - Wattys 2022 Shortlister

Chapter Thirty-Four - Heart Over Head

My stomach erupted into butterflies.

Every inch of my skin tingled, and it felt as though I had static electricity running over my arms. Her lips were soft against mine and my heart thumped in my chest, threatening to burst out of my ribcage. For the first time in several weeks, my mind went blank. I had chosen to follow my heart and my heart stopped putting up a fight, all the thoughts from the previous few weeks falling silent.

At that moment, it was just Katie and me. It wasn't the sound of the priest in the back of my head telling me it was wrong, that we were doing the 'devil's work'. It wasn't the stories I heard of people being attacked or arrested on the street simply for falling love. It wasn't my own head telling me it was wrong and that I was making a mistake. It wasn't even the project or Victoria, none of that mattered. It was just us and nothing else mattered. It felt as though nothing else would ever matter again.

I pulled away from Katie and looked at her. She seemed a little startled, her eyes wide as she stared back at me, barely even blinking and not saying a word. The thoughts returned faster and harder than ever. By the look on Katie's face, I had done the wrong thing. Every fibre of my being screamed at me for making a mistake, for doing something wrong and completely messing everything up.

Again.

Although I had chosen my heart, my head may have been right this time.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," I said.

"Flick, I-" Katie started.

"No, it's fine. It was a mistake."

My hands shook. I placed them on my thighs and stood up, clambering over my project supplies on the floor and darting through the door. The hallways were cloaked in darkness, a small strip of moonlight cutting through the large stained-glass window in the main entrance. I reached the middle of the hallway and looked down the staircase to the entrance, debating whether to go out to the grounds rather than stay in the school.

Outside, an owl hooted. I pushed my hair off my face and decided to venture further into the school. I took the stairs two at a time, listening out for any slight creak or movement anywhere else in the building. Upon reaching the top step, I walked to the end of the hall and into the spare classroom I had hidden in a few weeks before. Rather than sit in front of the door like before, I dragged a spare desk in front of the door to wedge it closed and then sunk down into the far corner of the room.

Nestled in amongst the abandoned furniture, I pulled my knees into my chest and stared into the darkness. A single tear ran down my cheek and I buried my face into my knees, hugging them as tight into my chest as I possibly could.

How could I have been so stupid?

I had no idea whether Katie felt the same way about me, I hadn't even considered the possibility that she may not feel the same way. I had my project on hold to try and fix the rift in our friendship caused by my obsession with beating Victoria, but I had just ruined everything between us. She was never going to want to talk to me again. Whatever friendship we may have had, I had destroyed by one simple action. I would never be able to show my face to her again.

The silence in the room was overwhelming and nothing could drown out the thoughts that crowded my head. They were screaming at each other, each one worst than the last and I couldn't shake them from my head. It was one after another, pinballing off each other and bouncing around my skull.

You're so stupid.

Why would you do that?

You've ruined your friendship.