It's just an article {h.s}

Chapter 7

I look at Harry astounded, mouth gaping. Why in the world does he want to walk me to my car? I mean I'm just a random girl he met less than a week ago. Sure we've had some great conversations tonight but that doesn't change the fact that we only just met. I can't wrap my head around why he's being so nice, way nicer than he has to be. Though at this point I'm not sure why I'm shocked. This past week Harry has shown that he's incredibly kind and caring and even though it feels like my opinion of him has changed in a matter of hours I'm still surprised when he does something nice.

"You want to want to walk me to my car?"

"Yeah of course, I mean it's hardly safe for you to be walking around alone at 2 in the morning." He says as we walk out the door, as if it's self-explanatory. Which I guess it is for him but it certainly isn't for me. I don't think I've ever had somebody offer to walk me to my car, or anywhere for that matter, so I'm slightly taken aback. The disappointment I felt earlier about leaving him fades away and I'm struck with the reality that I actually enjoy spending time with him. What am I going to do when I have to cut off contact with him after I publish the article? I have to stop this right now. From now on I have to see all the time I spend with him as work, just another thing I have to do for my job. The article comes first.

"So what did you think of the show?" Harry asks me. This gives me the perfect opportunity to get more information for the article. If I can just keep the conversation centred around One Direction maybe I can come out of tonight with something useful. It's not like I didn't learn anything tonight, it's more that I feel tonight's conversations were too personal to publish. Not to mention that they were mostly centered around Harry, which is great and all but I was asked to write about the band not Harry.

"It was really good. A much better experience then last time I have to say, considering I didn't get anything spilled on me."

"Good to know I'm still the only one that's walked in on you changing in a bathroom."

"How do you know that?" I tease back, easily falling back into the banter we had established earlier on in the night.

I can't keep doing this, having fun, light hearted conversations with him that make me like him more and more. I can't afford to keep enjoying my time around him, not when I know it will end with him hating me. I have to focus on the article, I have to or else I don't know what I'll do.

"What's it like, you know being in one of the biggest bands in the world." I say trying to redirect the conversation back to the boys.

"Wow that's a loaded question... um god I don't know it changes all the time I guess. I mean of course this is one of the most amazing experiences of my whole life and I'm sure I'll look back on it in years to come and think about how lucky I was, but I guess it's not always as perfect as it seems. Look can I be completely honest with you?"

Fuck! Harry's putting so much trust in me and I know I'm going to have to throw it back in his face for my career. I feel so conflicted right now. My whole life I've been so driven, so career focused but right now I wish more than anything that I was just a little less ambitious. That I could enjoy this moment without the worry and guilt that accompanies it. I'm tempted to end this all now, to tell James that I can't write this article and just enjoy this time I'm spending with Harry. But I know I can't so I turn all my focus on collecting as much information as possible instead of the crushing guilt swirling in my stomach.

"Of course you can." I feel like a complete asshole saying that. Here Harry is thinking that he's safe to share his thoughts and feelings and I'm readily exploiting his trusting nature.

"Sometimes I wish that it never happened. Don't get me wrong I love the band, I love the boys and the fans and I love being able to create and share my music but...but sometimes it gets too much. Nowadays everyone knows who I am and are constantly watching me, waiting for me to stuff up. Sometimes I just think about how much easier my life would have been if it never happened at all. Sometimes I think about how I could just be me without fear or judgment if this never happened. That being said I don't think I'd change anything that has happened. I meant what I said, I love everything I get to do, the music I get to make, the lives I get to touch, it's all so important to me."