It's just an article {h.s}

Chapter 11

Harry and I didn't really speak much after he admitted that he skipped work to spend the day with me. I had no clue what to say and Harry didn't offer anything else so we mostly sat in silence as he drove me home. The silence wasn't awkward though. Just like when we were walking back from the club the silence felt comfortable and familiar, like the silence you would have with an old friend rather than someone you just met.

This puzzled me even more, adding to the multitude of Harry based confusions piling up in my brain. How can I be so comfortable with someone I only just met but also feel so confused around them. After today I can admit to myself that the few times Harry and I have spoken have left me feeling happier and in some cases even lighter. I tried to undermine the fact that I actually like spending time with him by holding onto the article but now I can't use that as a defence. If today has taught me anything it's that I enjoy being around Harry because of his personality not because of what I could write about him. And truthfully I don't know how I feel about that. All I do know is that I need to get out of writing this article.

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I can't avoid James forever, logically I know this but it hasn't stopped me from trying. I'm never one to avoid my problems, usually I confront them straight away but for some reason, I can't bring myself to do this with James. His comments left me more shaken than I originally thought and I think, at least for the time being, I'd rather I didn't see him.

Unfortunately, I can't afford to call in sick everyday so I'll just have to settle for hiding at my desk and ducking behind corners whenever I see James coming. I know I'm probably making a big deal about nothing, I mean it was really only a few texts and if I really think about it only one of those was inappropriate, but I still feel weird around James. I'm not scared of him per se, I don't think he'd actually do anything but...I don't know, maybe I'm just being dramatic.

I guess another reason I'm avoiding James is because I don't want to write this article anymore. The first thing I did when I got home from Harry's apartment the other night was delete that stupid first draft before passing out. Over the past few days I've been trying to figure out how to tell James that I'm not going to write the article anymore but I don't know how.

I've run through thousands of scenarios in my head of what could happen when I eventually tell him and the only way I can see me escaping this situation with my job is if I have a plan for what to do instead. So I've spent the last two days desperately trying to plan out an article to replace this exclusive. Instead of spending my work days furiously writing about the secrets of One Direction like everyone in the office expects me to, I spend them staring at a blank screen, trying to find an idea so good that James will have no choice but to let me drop the One Direction piece.

Ever since my conversation with Harry after his concert, I've been wanting to explore the impact media has on the lives of celebrities and I think now might be the perfect time. Sure maybe it's not as exciting as an exclusive with one of the biggest boy bands in the world but it's definitely more interesting.

The thing is to write that article I'd actually have to talk to James, which I do not want to do. Sure after being back at work for 3 days I've slowly gotten used to being around him again, but I couldn't think of much worse than having a conversation with him. I guess I could just write the article and tell him later but I feel weird betraying his trust like that. Overall, James has been so good to me. I mean sure there was the odd uncomfortable comment every now and then but that's normal isn't it? Even though I feel a bit weird around him right now it would be wrong to go behind his back and if James found out it would surely get me fired.