"Harper you're free to go."
I got up from the bench and dusted off my shoulders. I followed the officer to the processing room so I could be processed out of this shitcan. The officer had me sign a few things so I could get my belongings. This jail shit is nothing new to me. Everyone in my life has been to jail at some point with the exception of my mama.
When I walked out front TJ was leaning against his Beamer smoking a black and mild.
"There goes my baby."
I walked over to him and he wrapped his arms around my waist. "Thank you for getting me out." I said.
"I couldn't let your pretty ass stay in there." TJ said.
"Let's get out of here. Take me home." I said.
"My place or yours?" TJ asked.
"Mine please."
TJ started the engine and took me back home. Every time I pull into this driveway it's bittersweet. This house holds so many good memories. But it also holds a lot of pain. I remember the cookout he threw when the house was done being built. All of my family was here to celebrate that moment with him.
There's also the memories that I wasn't here for. Like the nights he stayed up pacing the floor wondering when his time was up. Or the times he stayed up crying losing his guys, especially my Uncle Timmy.
When I got upstairs to the master bedroom the first thing I did was take a long hot shower. You appreciate little things like this after being locked up. I was only in jail for three days but it was the longest three days of my life. All because of a little reckless driving. After I got out of the shower I changed into my Versace pajama set and climbed into my bed.
I turned on the tv and turned it to Spongebob. I had a bunch of text messages and unanswered phone calls that I needed to answer but they were gonna have to wait until the morning. TJ came into the bedroom and climbed into bed beside me. I wrapped my arms around his torso and let out a sigh. He kissed me on the forehead and said, "I missed you."
"I missed you too." I said.
I'm gonna keep it a buck, I hated TJ growing up. I used to think he was ugly and he would annoy the shit of me when he referred to himself in third person. But as I got older I realized that we had a lot more in common than i wanted to admit. I gave him a chance when we turned seventeen and we've been together ever since. I may not talk about it much but I could see myself building a life with him.
TJ began massaging my scalp and before long I was dead to the world. In the middle of the night I woke up to use the bathroom. I stopped at the window and looked out into the backyard. The princess castle and swing set combo that my dad built was still standing after all these years. TJ was sleeping peacefully and I didn't want to wake him. I went into my closet and grabbed my favorite teddy bear along with my tape recorder and went outside.
I closed my robe tightly because the wind was little chilly. I sat down on the swing and and pressed play on the tape recorder.
"Hey baby girl..I hope you never have to hear this recording until I'm an old man and dead but in case I don't live long enough, there's a few things I want you to know. You were the motivation behind everything I did. The first time I got to see you face to face and look into your eyes a change occurred. From that moment on I knew I wanted to be the best father that I could be. I'm sorry that I brought you into this terrible life. If I could change things I would but I'm in too deep. Promise me that no matter what you do in life that you'll be a better person than I was. You have a really good head on your shoulders and a big personality. Put that to use and do some good in the world. In life things aren't always gonna be sunshine and rainbows. Everyday won't always be a good one. People are gonna try and make you doubt yourself. But I want you to stand up straight with your head held high and remember who you are. Thank you for choosing me to be your dad, it's been the greatest privilege in the world. And I want you to always remember that I loved you more than anything in this world."
Hearing my dad's words comforted me in a way but it also broke my heart all over again. 20 years later and the little girl in me is still grieving over the loss of her father. My dad was a lot of things but the one thing he succeeded at was being a great father. He took care of me, spent time with me, and he made sure that I knew my worth as a young black girl.
In the midst of me crying I felt a sense of peace surround me. I smiled softly because I knew in my heart that it was my father. He was there to let me know that he was always right there beside me. But on the other side of that was rage. Whoever killed my father is probably still roaming this earth.
That's not gonna last much longer.
I will avenge my father's death.
