Rogue Queen

Chapter 5

It's been one week since I met my mate. Seven whole days of not even hearing his voice over the phone let alone seeing him again. Each hour filled with intense fatigue no matter how much sleep I manage to get, and even that's a feat of its own considering the dreams filled with different outcomes all of which end with his mark adorning my neck. Waking up each day alone widens the hollowness growing inside my chest, but the mere thought of seeing him again has my stomach churning.

My mom has been the most understanding. She's knows how I'm feeling so she gives me my space when I need it, and lets me ramble on about my endless stream of thoughts on the situation. Although a great listener she refuses to state her opinion reminding me this is between me and Jasper. At the end of the day I know she's doing what's right, but my brain may just unravel soon if I don't stop going back and forth with myself.

My dad on the other hand didn't hide his enthusiasm at my decision to stay. His smile slowly faltered though as the days progressed and my own sanity started to slip. It's quite clear on the outside how much this is taking a toll on me on the inside. The sleepless nights have darkened and deepened the circles under my eyes, and every time I look in the mirror, which is scarce, I flinch at the loss of color in my cheeks. At this rate I'll look like a zombie by the end of the weekend.

Troy inherited our mothers compassion, so he's done everything in his power to help distract me. Unfortunately having me tag along to his training class only helped me injure my wrist again. A short temper and zero focus resulted in one of his friends rilling me up to the point where all logic went out the window. All it took was one slip up and I was on the ground holding my wrist to my chest. It wasn't the same wrist as the one I broke three weeks ago, and it's already healed since it happened four days ago.

"Tomorrow I was thinking we could go swimming down at the lake." Cora whispers from across the pitch black room. For the past five days she's insisted on sleeping over despite some of my extremely vocal nightmares. Not every night but almost I wake up shouting for Jasper, which sets the entire house into defense mode. The first night it happened my dad and brother barged into the room half asleep but ready to rip the threat limb for limb. My mom quickly told them to go back to bed before pulling me into her arms until I calmed down.

"Okay." I stare at the ceiling fighting sleep solely because I don't want to dream. It's not just the nightmares that torture me during the night because regular dreams are just as unpleasant. My brain filters through a range of different possible scenes involving Jasper, both of us happy and smiling with no care in the world, so waking up to the reality of so many different factors weighing me down is a punch to the gut.

"It's going to be okay. I promise." Cora's optimism is somehow not helping. Every night she lays down on the air mattress on the other side of my room reassuring me that it will get better tomorrow, but when the sun rises the gaping ache in my chest throbs a little more than the day before.

She would usually just sleep in my bed with me since it's big enough for the both of us, but the second night she stayed over I had a particularly graphic nightmare that resulted in me kicking her off the bed in my sleep. Thankfully she wasn't hurt and said it was okay but I wasn't taking anymore chances.

Soon enough Cora's light snores fill the silence of my room leaving me with my afflicting thoughts. Turning onto my side with my back facing the rest of my room, I clutch a pillow to my chest trying to ease the tension in my body. I was prepared for the mental toll of fighting the mate bond but not the physical toll. Everyday starts with the aches that feel like I slept all bent out of shape, then about halfway through the day the fatigue sets in, and finally the random pains. One day it's a headache the next it's a tight muscle in my back or leg. It makes me wonder how Jasper made it for two years.