Oops...I Did It Again

Highly Flammable

On my tenth contract I was hired by a business man that must have been around the age of forty or fifty. He approached me in a little café and I was completely shocked by his audacity to ask me to do something like this in public. He wanted someone dead! You don't go and randomly ask people on the street to kill anyone! That's just wrong and rightfully frowned upon by society.

Now where was I? Right, he approached me and simply wanted to know if I'm the one they call the "hidden Pro". Not knowing what he was talking about I told him they usually call me "Katy". Now it was his turn to look confused. He then clarified that he was looking for the contract killer the call the "hidden Pro" and that he had some work for her. I again told him that I had no idea who he meant but it surely wasn't me. He kept explaining that the killer he was looking for was described to him as the only one in the industry that made every kill look like the perfect accident and the authorities didn't even once question the veracity of those accidents. Thinking for a while I came to realise that not once the police questioned what had happened to my victims and not once was I considered to be the culprit. Therefore it was quite plausible that I was this "hidden Pro". So I told him that I'm the one that works the magic of makes people have an accident and to that he just smiled. After some more talking I had the contract for some crazy cat lady in the woods. He needed her dead so he could get his hands on the property or something. I really didn't listen to what he said because I was hungry and daydreaming about a beach somewhere far, far away.

For this mission I wanted to be as professional as possible. Spoiler: that's absolutely not how this went. I kept driving to the woman's house a couple of times during both day and night and from what I could tell at that point I could do this fairly easy. My plan was very easy.

First I needed to get a sniper rifle. I thought I was smarter this time when buying my equipment but I wouldn't be me if that was even considerable reality. I bought the gun from a man named Larry or something like that. He tried convincing me that this rifle was quality piece and would do the job flawlessly. How I could believe something like this is still way beyond me but what's done is done. So I bought this gun and tried it out on a shooting range and believe me when I tell you that even a shotgun would've been more accurate than this toy. I kept practicing with it until I was confident enough that I found a pattern of the bullets missing their target. It was going around the spot aimed at in something similar to a circle. So, after some more practice and some more bruises from underestimating the recoil this deadly toy had I finished this stage of the plan and started phase "knock, knock" where I wanted to check out the area and the crazy lady.

The place where she lived was right at the edge of a very peaceful forest. I had been there before to get out of the noisy town I lived in and find some peace and silence to collect my thoughts. It lay very remotely and probably the perfect place to live. Her house wasn't very big but big enough for her and, judging by all the cages on her property, probably 20 cats. There may have been 20 cages but upon further investigation I only found one cat and she seemed to be very moody.

One time I was on a stake out she came running towards me and wouldn't stop demanding head scratches while making a dizzying amount of circles around me. If she kept doing more of them I'm pretty sure I'd gotten sick and, worst case scenario, puked on the poor thing like one of my friends in high school did when she was drunk.

Another time this little vicious beast came chasing after me like I was trying to kill her entire family. I started running away from her but she was a lot quicker and apparently smarter than me. She knew the floor, I didn't. And it showed, she wasn't the one tripping on her own feet and falling face first into the mud. Yeah I'm just that clumsy... deal with it. To make matters even worse that devilish creature started walking all over me preventing me to get out of this embarrassing situation and into some clean clothes. It took me more than half an hour to convince the little kitty to leave me alone but eventually she did and I got to take a well needed shower at home. Of course I ruined my car with all the mud but that was a problem for another day.

When I was confident in all the research I did on the house, the woman and of course the cat I started planning the final stage of my waterproof plan. I packed everything I needed into my freshly cleaned car. Dark clothing? Check. Climbing gear? Check. Quality sniper rifle? Quality no, rifle yes. So check. Once I was sure I had everything is started up the motor and made the twenty minute drive to the woods. I parked on the other side of the forest. Good thing about that:  I wouldn't get spotted so easily. Bad thing: I had to walk through the entire jungle of oak trees in complete darkness. Because I didn't want to be seen I had to march there for more than an hour. Once arrived I chose a tree that wasn't neither too close nor too far. I needed some attempts to actually climb it but eventually I made it up to a height that seemed to be perfect. I unpacked my sniper and scope, put them together and found a branch to lay the barrel on and use it as aim-aid. The lady was standing in her kitchen making some food for herself and her demon baby of a cat. I followed her around with the scope but I couldn't get a clear shot. When I thought I had good sight and no trees in my way she would suddenly walk somewhere else or pick up the cat or bend down to let the cat go again or turn off the lights and light some candles making it very hard for me to shoot her. She was driving me crazy.

Eventually the point where everything went downhill had to come and it came. I was so furious that I moved back and forth, right and left, up and down on the branch I was sitting on. And it happened. I slipped and fell down. Everything hurt and I there was this strange sound ringing in my ears.it took me quite a few minutes to gather what was left of my pea brain. It was hard for me to move but when I sat up I could see what my fall caused.

When I fell I kind of disturbed some of the birds and other animals that were lurking in the dark. In a panic they ran and flew around making the cat very excited. She ran through the house like she was on speed knocking over a lot of the candles the woman had lit earlier. I guess she wanted to get outside to catch some of the animals that seemed to be everywhere. I couldn't see the woman anywhere in the house but there was a little light where her bedroom was so I thought she must have gone to bed already. Another thing that I could see was that the candles had fallen on some of the furniture, a few carpets and a curtain. How I could see all of that I hear you ask? Well I saw this because these objects now had a special feature they hadn't had before. They now owned a new lighting installation. Fire. They were on fire. And this fire was burning very fast consuming everything in its way and spreading it this way even quicker. I saw the cat crashing into one of the windows multiple times until it eventually broke and produced an escape. She ran even quicker into the darkness. I thought I could see her in the darkness for a few moments but then she was gone. When I looked back at the house it was entirely consumed by the flames. That was quick was all I thought but I didn't really care. My job was done and I all that was left for me to do now was walk back to my car and drive home where my payment was waiting for me. I packed up all my stuff that fell down the tree with my and started walking back to where I came from. After what felt like an eternity of marching without seeing I finally arrived where I parked my car. But my car wasn't the only thing that was waiting for me. Next to one of the tires I could see a little ball of fluff. As I came closer the fluffball lifted its head and I was greeted with a meow from the cat that escaped the burning hell. Too tired to care I just opened the passenger door, let her hop in, drove home and became her new owner.