Oops...I Did It Again

Slippery When Wet

I don't even remember the number of this contract any more but this could've been straight from a movie. What does a normal employer do when their employees don't perform as well as they should? They usually invite them to a personal meeting to discuss their performance or they give them a warning. Or, in the worst case, fire them. That would seem like a normal reaction to poor work. But no, not everyone thinks this is way. Some think it would be a great idea to have them not only removed from the work space but also from the face of the earth. But well I'm not here to judge. All I do is my job and that is to, let's say, relocate them.

The man that gave the order for relocation was the CEO of a rather big company that specialised in IT, computer parts and program developments. From what I told you, my guess is that you think that he wanted one of the programmers to leave his workplace. I'm afraid I have to disappoint you. He wanted the janitor dead. Yeah, the poor man from the working class that barely makes enough to pay his bills. I know, I know it's wrong but I have bills to pay too. So don't come for me. We all do what we need to survive and what I need to survive unfortunately requires other people not to survive.

For good measure I'll call the janitor Bob. Bob's main task was to keep the company's building clean and functional. Going by the request for elimination I must assume that he failed at least in one part of his job, maybe even both.

For the first time in my career I wanted to try this thing that you see in film and television: shooting from one building to another. In order to master this shot I wanted to be as well prepared as I could. I knew barely anything about computers so getting a job with the company itself wasn't going to happen. But I know how to wash the dishes and clean the floor so maybe I could be part of the cleaning crew. Well I thought that could work out and lucky for me it actually did. Twice even. I was hired for the building Bob worked in and for the building I wanted to use to kill him. This gave me the opportunity to check out both properties.

When I started my work as weeping widow... no sorry, I meant wiping willow (I thought of this name myself and I must admit that I'm quite proud of it), Bob took it as his responsibility to take me under his wing and teach me everything that he knew. He really loved his job and I had no idea why somebody wanted him dead but I don't question my contracts and so I listened to what Bob said, took everything in and made mental notes to remember certain things, forget others and simply so what I was told. He did show me quite a few useful things like how to fix a lamp or get rid of nasty stains in carpets. If you ask me, anyone should know things like that. Don't you agree? Bob taught me all these helpful things, showed me around the entire skyscraper and was just overall very nice to me.

The skyscraper on the other side of the street, which was my workplace #2, didn't have such a nice janitor. On the contrary this man was just horrible. He showed no respect to anyone, was always late, didn't do anything himself and always ranted about things that nobody cared about. If someone deserved to die it was this monster. But no it was poor Bob that was chosen. After about two or three weeks I knew enough about both buildings to start planning how I would get this job done. You already know that I wanted to do what I call the "movie shot" but for that to work I needed a few more things than just a very tall building but also a good rifle, the right bullets and Bob. From all those things I had exactly zero at that point. But I wanted to start with the rifle.

My old gun was of such bad quality that she could only handle about five to ten shots and then the barrel just fell off and I couldn't attach it again. Whatever I did it just wouldn't stay on the gun. So even though I didn't want to, I had no other choice but to get a new one. This time however I didn't even dare think about getting the equipment from the last vendor. Oh no! Never again. Even a toy gun would do a better job than anything he has in stock. To get my new tool I had to find someone that had good quality at a reasonable price and let me tell you that this proofed to be one heck of a challenge but after what felt like an eternity, it probably took a week or so, I finally found a young woman that went by the name Laurel or Laura or Lily or something boring like that. She had a larger selection of weaponry and equipment than my previous seller and from what I could tell it was higher tier guns. Well at least that's what I thought. But as you'll see there was no difference if anything it was even worse than my old gun. But stupid me didn't know that yet.