Mom (Kellic)

4.

~kellin pov~
It's the morning after my little "truth or drink" meltdown and I'm dreading how everyone is going to treat me today. They're gonna give me twice as much space as I need and look at me with big sympathetic eyes.

I don't need sympathy.

I couldn't believe it last night when Jack, the freaking dad of our group, grabbed my wrist like he had no clue he was crossing a boundary. I guess it was just continuing my shitty experiences with father figures.

I'm on my fourth cigarette of the morning trying to forget what it felt like to have his hand tighten around me. The fear gripping my lungs so tight that I couldn't breathe.

I light another cigarette off the end of my current one and flick the butt aside right as the back door opens. Vic goes running down the stairs with a quick "see you later" as he races down the driveway.

I didn't have time to reply to him but I wouldn't have anyways. Our little conversation about drinking and cutting last night really opened my eyes. I need to be careful about being too open with Vic. He makes me want to be vulnerable and he pulls secrets from me without even trying, which cannot happen. I absolutely cannot let him worm his way into my life. That's why I've decided to seriously cool off our relationship. No more friendly walks to school, no more crushing on his pretty eyes or smile, and definitely no more heartfelt conversations.

It sucks that the one time I like a boy that isn't straight, I can't date him. I laugh grimly at myself. How the fuck would I date someone anyways? I'd have to be sober at least a portion of the time and the first time I scared them with one of my nightmares they'd take off.

My plan goes surprisingly well. For the next couple weeks I'm sure to avoid Vic like the plague except for obvious times like during lunch. I try to sit as far from him as possible and keep conversations rolling with other people so that I don't risk talking to him. Of course it's not a perfect system and we still chit chat sometimes at the diner or when all of us hang out on the weekends, but I'm happy to report that there's no danger of him prying secrets from me anymore. I hope.

One afternoon we're all at our usual lunch table and I'm, unfortunately, sitting next to Vic. I had been called to the principal's office for skipping every single gym class so far this year, so I was late to lunch.

I'm talking to Nick about a girl he likes so that I'm not drawn into a conversation with the gorgeous boy next to me. No, wait, not gorgeous. I mean, he is, but I can't think about it.

"And then I smiled at her and she smiled back when we were in the parking lot yesterday. Do you think that means she likes me or is just friendly?" Nick asks, over-analyzing everything like a lovesick girl.

"I don't know man, why don't you actually talk to her and feel it out?"

"Yeah, I'm just nervous..."

Beside me Vic reaches across the table and tries to hit Justin or something but he's not quick enough and Justin grabs his arm, playfully shoving it away.

The boys are laughing as Vic sits back down but something catches my eye. There's something staining the sleeve of Vic's tie dyed hoodie. Unless you're sitting in my seat you probably wouldn't notice it, but I do immediately. It's blood.

I calmly take my phone out of my pocket and pull up Vic's contact, texting him.

Kellin: Your arm is bleeding.

Vic must feel his phone vibrate or something cause he reaches back and takes it out of the pocket of his jeans. He looks confused at first, glancing at me before he opens it. He goes still before he abruptly stands up. Way to play it cool you idiot.