Blood and Apples: An Annora Park Novel: Book One

Chapter Forty: Lost in Love, Torn and Teathered

    I feel like I will never be whole again. My heart feels so heavy, like a lead stone weighted down with gallons of cement. Tears course down my cheeks, and I ignore them, caring nothing for the wetness that stains my flesh only the pain tearing at it, tearing it to tethers, to tattered shredded pieces.
    I'm a broken doll, tossed to the side; used, and discarded. No longer useful. No longer wanted.
Oh my amour, your pain...your pain tears at me. Chamuel speaks to my mind and I shut him out. I want no comfort from him. I want nothing from him right now. I want nothing from anyone. I want only to feel whole again. And only one person can do that for me. And that person is gone. Having left as hurt and broken as I feel now...perhaps never to return ever again. What would I do if he never returned? What would I do if I never saw him again?
Please do not shut me out, beloved. Please, please do not. I cannot bear the pain. I cannot bear being apart from you. Please, my amour...answer me.
    I turn away from them all and stand to face the window, looking out at the darkening shadows as day slowly fades. I want nothing to do with any of them right now. They were the reason for this agonizing pain I was experiencing. They were the reason I was hurting, that he was hurting. They were the cause of this all.
"Branuel Or De A'lanuel, you will have your healer fix this immediately." Chamuel suddenly shouts.
    I turn then to look at them. I still can't feel anything but this great loss. Even in the face of their own pain, their own suffering, I saw nothing, felt nothing but my own.
"Ach, aye, I shall return immediately...we will return immediately and see how Amira and Desharra are doing. I agree, this situation must be corrected. She is...she is...suffering."
"I thought you liked suffering," I spit out at him, suddenly furious with him. "I thought you wanted my suffering."
Branuel's jaw clenches before he says, "We must leave now, immediately. We must rectify this situation immediately."
I shake my head. "I'm not going anywhere with you, you nut. I have a huge murder case to solve here. And I'm no closer to getting the sonofabitch than I was yesterday. I've been spending way too much time running around Fairy with you guys. I'm needed here. I can see that now. And I can see many other things much more clearly, as well."
"Amour," Chamuel says, "We must go with Branuel Or De A'lanuel. It is getting worse. And since Goodson left...you are a shell of your former self. The bonds, even ours, they're straining. We have to get you to Fairy. We must heal your heart."
"You don't know what you're talking about," I grind out. And I begin to pace. "You don't know everything, Chamuel. Just because you have HIS ear, and you talk to The Graces, doesn't mean that you know everything. You think you're so damn smart. You think that you can swoop in here and seduce me and that it'll make me just forget all my other obligations and everyone and everything in my life before you entered it. Well guess what...you're wrong. Do you hear me...YOU ARE WRONG!" The tears are coursing faster now and still I ignore them, "I...I was fine before you came into my life...and I'll be fine when you're gone." I double over, clenching my stomach, the pain is so awful I feel like I'm breaking, shattering into a million pieces. "I'll...I'll...I'll be fine when you're gone...because you'll leave...everyone always leaves...everyone always leaves me eventually..." I murmur through my tears. And suddenly he's there, Chamuel, arms wrapped solidly around me.
"Oh my beautiful amour, my darling beloved. I am yours from here unto eternity. I shall never leave you. I will never, do you understand, I will never leave you."
"She...left me," I say quietly, resting my head on his shoulder.
"She had no choice, my beloved," Chamuel counters just as quietly.
"Why? Why though? If she was an angel, if she had all this power, then why did she leave me, Chamuel?" I sob harder.
"Oh my beloved. She truly had no choice. She knew what was to happen from the beginning. She knew her path and her outcome should she choose to bear you. And she chose you, she chose the path that would bring you, my strong, beautiful beloved into the world. But she knew she would not, could not hold her human coil once you reached maturity. She had fed you her strength and her power, and she knew that without your bonds you would need every ounce of strength she possessed to keep you from fading before your time. She knew this, and still she chose you, my beloved. She did not leave you...she loved you, loved you more than anything..."
"God, oh God," I whimper, sniffling against his shoulder. "She was...she was my everything, and then she was gone, Chamuel. And then...then..." I look up toward Walker, and his form is blurry through my tears. "Everyone else was gone as well..."
"I never left you, darling girl," Walker says softly, and suddenly he too is kneeling next to me, stroking my hair.
"No," I murmur. "I left you, didn't I?"
"I understand now, baby girl. I understand."
"But...but...he's gone now too," I say sadly. "What if he decides not to return? What if he decides he never wants to see me ever again."
"That would be a blessing," Walker mutters.  And Chamuel says, "Shush Romanoff, that is not what our beloved needs right now."
"I feel like I can't breathe right."
"It's the spell, my beloved. Please, let us help you. We must get you to fairy. You must have some help. Don't you see that this isn't you."
And I nod slightly. "Okay," I say finally. "Okay." Anything, oh anything to get this stone out of my chest.