Have You Ever Even Loved Me?

A Sneaking Suspicion

(Zak/Skeppy's P.O.V)

          "Hey BaeBoyHalo, where are you going today?" I say as Darryl gives me a little kiss on the cheek. He grabs a piece of toast and makes coffee, avoiding my question. "Can I please just, get a answer?" He looks at me like he really, REALLY wants to say something. Then he just walks out the front door calling: "I should be home around, 10 tonight." Great, 12 WHOLE hours of being alone, and having Darryl, who knows where, with who knows who, doing who knows what. I mean, he could be working, but occasionally he'll come home with a hickey, and most nights he's to tired to even hang out. We're getting married in 2 months, and adopting in 2 and a half... I need to trust him for that. I want to ask but I'm too afraid of the answer, what if he is cheating... No way you IDot, he is kind and caring, it might be a job, he does get paid... I think trying my hardest to re-assure myself. I shake the thoughts away and work on house chores.

(TIME SKIP WHORES <3)

          It's 12:52 pm and he's not home, oh shit he could be dead, or kidnapped, or... I push all thoughts from my mind when I hear a car pull in the driveway. I peer out the window, hopping, begging it's not someone coming to tell me bad news about Darryl. I watch Darryl approach the front door and find tears threatening to spill. I stand in front of the door arms crossed hoping I don't look like a mad little kid. Darryl gasps a little and asks: "What are you doing up so late." I blink back my tears and in a wavering voice just reply: "I could ask you the same FUCKING THING!" The last part comes out a yell, not of an upset kid, but an angry man. "Language." he half whispers. Tears pour down my cheeks. Language? LANGUAGE? I can't spend another second let alone another night with this person. "I AM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE HELL YOU ARE ANYMORE." I quickly grab some clothes and go into the freezing fall air. "Skeppy please let me-" I cut him of by screaming: "I'M NOT SKEPPY MY NAME IS ZAK, ZAK!!! I'M YOUR FUCKING FIANCEE, AND YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO SAY MY REAL FUCKING NAME?" I get in my car. Rocco begs at the door so I let him in with me. "I'll be back when I feel like it." I say bluntly pulling out of the driveway.

          As I drive to a pet friendly hotel I know I think to myself: Nice going Zak, you just fucked up one of the only fucking things that made you happy... Your so worthless. Rocco nuzzles my hand, so I pet him and just focus on the black pavement of the road. Each dash represents how many times it felt like I was alone, since I got engaged to Darryl... I pull into the hotel parking lot. I counted 5,876 or so dashes on my way here, I don't think the number was big enough. I check in for a week, and go up to room number 312. I set up my clothes, and just lay in bed watching a Sci-Fi, Rocco fell asleep guarding me. I go to text A6D, and see I have 73 texts from Darryl, I leave him on read without actually reading them. I open my texts with A6D and make a new one.

                                                                   French Baguette 

Hey Vincent, I know your probably

asleep, or making out with Dave, but do 

you have a minute?

Me and Dave are not making out, I mean 

I wish, but we're just on our private mc 

server.

Can we call? It'll make this so much easier...

Sure.

          I get on a call and hear Vincent's accented voice ask: "What's wrong Zak are you ok?" I want to just blast the information from the past few months, instead I start with: "Not Really..." I wait for a response, then just ask: "How about you?" We have an awkward silent moment before he responds. "I'm doing well, so do you want to tell me what happened?" I lose it, and when I say lose it, I mean it, I'm bawling, but somehow, understandable to A6D, telling him everything, all our fights and conversations, word for word. 

          I finish venting, and so we both just sit there silence. "Let him explain, or follow him." I sniffle a little bit. "That asshole doesn't deserve a chance to explain, and I'm not going to follow him to confirm what I already know. Can I fly out to you guys? Stay for a week or two? I could pay rent, just... please?" I sound way to desperate for my liking, and am about to ask again, with a different tone, when I hear an exasperated sigh from his side. "I'll have to talk it over with Dave, ok?" I nod, and when I realize he can't see me I just say: "Yep." I wipe my nose on my sleeve. "Bye Zak." I hear Vincent say. I yawn and shoot back a tired: "Bye." I get up and get some water. I  turn off the lights and the TV, close the blinds then lay down with Rocco and cuddle.

          I wake up to Rocco whining. He doesn't need a leash, I trained him when Darryl was gone, wait, who will take care of Rat? I'll get her and my stuff tomorrow at 1 p.m and then I'll come back here. Rocco and me stand outside the hotel, on the"Potty Lawn" Just a field for dogs to do there business. I chew on my hoodie strings, so hungry. I remember now, that I didn't eat dinner, I was waiting for Darryl... I clean up Rocco's mess, and we walk back in. I get my wallet and go to the hotel vending machine, getting a Twix bar to snack on. 

          I'm about to reach my door when I see Darryl, with Rat, he's speaking through the door probably thinking I'm in there. I check my phone. It's 4:36 a.m. He has "work" tomorrow. "You should be asleep." I call. He whips around and smiles. "Zak." He goes to hug me but I shove him off. He looks so hurt by that one move, I'm so tempted to just accept his lies and just live in ignorant bliss, not acknowledging him cheating, but then I remember how much I was hurt, and suddenly it doesn't seem as tempting. "Just let me explain, please?" I scoff. "Sure, then I'll accept your lies and I can go on with you making a fool of me, cheating on me, and overall being a distant asshole, I was wrong... You'd be such a terrible fucking parent." He gives a flash of mad, then gets sad. "That hurt." I just about had it, it was all I could do to not lash out, when he said: "You don't know how much that hurt,you couldn't comprehend the pain that I'm going through right now, honestly you-." 

          I snap. I laugh a cold unforgiving laugh. "I felt pain every single fucking day. I worried you were cheating, then you come home 2 to 3 hours late, I worry your dead, or kidnapped, or being tortured, but no, your just home late because of "work"-" I put air quotes on work. "-you have no time for me your too tired everyday to even notice what I did, I will spend hours upon hours, cleaning YOUR HOUSE, taking care of and training YOUR DOG, doing all of YOUR CHORES, and making YOUR MEALS, listen, listen close, I'M NOT A FUCKING HOUSE WIFE!Got it? Now tell me one more time what I couldn't comprehend?" I just wait, glaring holes through him to get a response. I laugh. "You thought I was a weak childish person, but let me tell you, I have more power, more emotion, then you could never comprehend." It felt amazing to feel those emotions, that power. I looked at him and pushed him aside I picked up Rat and said: "I'm probably moving in with Vincent and Dave, I'm taking Rat... I'll be at your house, 1 p.m to collect my belongings." I watched his emotions register. "I still love you Zak." He turns and walk away. I try not to act stunned. Those words stung worse than any insult could have ever.

(AUTHOR'S NOTES!!!)

Hello Lovely's, I Am So Interested In This Book, So I Hope You Are Too. You Know The Drill, Words Without "Narration": 1,400, (So Perfect Right?) Words With "Narration": 1,440. (PERFECT!!!) Thanks For Reading!!! Love Y'all, Stay Safe! <3 <3 <3