Have You Ever Even Loved Me?

More Blood On My Hands

(Zak/Skeppy's P.O.V)

          I'm in the middle of a dream, where Darryl didn't cheat, we were about to kiss when I was awoken to the sound of pained grunts, and yelps, I sit up and see Rocco tearing the shit out of Dave's leg. "Rocco heal, bad dog!" He looks over with a head tilt, he walks to the corner tail tucked, and just whines almost silently. Rat is still nibbling on his foot and ankle. I pick Rat up and put her next to Rocco. "Bad dogs!" I tell them, hitting them gently on he muzzle. I trained them to protect me, I guess he was an 'intruder' to them. I helped him up. I wrap one arm around his back on his hip, placing his arm around my neck, and grabbing that arm, his right leg was looking very bloody.This scene, it's so familiar, where from? I think helping support Dave. Oh yeah I was Dave, and Darryl was me. I walk out to where Vincent is making pancakes. "Vin? Come here please." Dave is in a lot of pain. His eyes portray it all. Vincent comes, and looks asking with his eyes: What are you doing?  I use my eyes to point to his leg. "Oh no! Are you okay? Let's go to the hospital!" I transfer Dave to Vincent. I turn off the stove and head out the door. I hop in the back, and buckle, ready to go. Vincent shows only worry in  his eyes, and is constantly re-assuring Dave and himself, keeping Dave awake, Dave is loosing a lot of blood. 

          "Can I get him back here? Just trust me... please." We're stuck in traffic, and quickly get him back here with me. I rip of the part of his pant legs that cover his injuries, I take of my hoodie, and wipe some blood off. I grab water and I put his right leg on top of my sweatshirt, as I rinse I notice 2 teeth stuck in his leg. He winces and in a faint tone asks: "Remove them?" I shake my head no. "I'm really sorry, I can't or you might lose more blood. I'm really sorry." He  jsut winces and nods. I rip of a hoodie sleeve and make a make-shift tourniquet, I learned how to make in high-school, in an extra curricular activity, for college credits. "Just hold on a little longer, please Dave." I whine at him. Well shit Zak, you fucked up bad, you just had to train your dogs, didn't you? I have an argument with myself in my head. The tourniquet makes him less pale, and less sleepy, but it looks like he might loose his leg. This is your fault, just like it's your fault Darryl  cheated, and why your life is  fucking mess... I want to cry so bad but I hold all my emotions in. Stop, this isn't your fault, you'll  be fine, just pull it together for 10 more minutes. I think to myself as traffic starts moving.

          When we get there I tell Vincent I have to go to the bathroom. I go in and lock he door, I get upset, I thought I'd be sad and crying, instead I end up mad and punching the wall until my fists are bloody, there are some dents in the wall, which have been coated in blood. Idiot, now you have to clean it up, and cover your fists. I grab a paper towel and wipe the wall clean, I then wash my knuckles, which are raw and bloody. I sit down on the floor, and just cry now, pouring my emotions out through stifled sobs, wanting to share this moment with someone, but also wanting nobody to know. I grab my phone, and text Tia."Hey Tia can we talk?" A minute or so later she texts back. "I didn't think you'd actually text, anyway, sure Skeppy what's up?" I smile, knowing I have a safe haven within this person. "I am mad and sad, mad at myself, just because, and sad for myself again just because, also disappointed because everything seems to be my fault..."  She wastes no time in texting back, and just replies with: "You should be happy, your not in a toxic relationship, happy you held yourself together and powered through, and are still powering through rough patches in life, and proud, because you change lives by posting videos and by doing what you love with the people you love." I take a deep breath, push away all negative emotions, and thank Tia, readily, I head back to Vincent. I hold myself together for him, Dave, myself, and for my fans, because if what they need, is a strong, supportive person, I'll have be that person. For me and all others.

(AUTHOR'S NOTES)

Hey Guys! How Are You? I'm Doing Pretty Good, I Really Hope I'm Not Wasting My Time, Or Yours. Words Without "Narration": 800 (SO FUCKING PERFECT!ALSO NOT SHORT!) WOrds With "Narration": 850 (PERFECT? AGAIN? MY LUCK IS SO FUCKING GREAT, HELL YEAH!) , Anyways Love Y'all, Stay Safe!!! <3 <3 <3