Have You Ever Even Loved Me?

"That's your excuse?"

HEYYYYY BIG TW FOR SH IN HERE

(Zak/Skeppy's P.O.V)

          This is bullshit, honestly Zak, just text him! I am scared to cry again. I go to scratch my shin, but when I pull up my hand it gets caught by the ring on my ripped jeans. I take it off, and clench my palm over it. It started out as a challenge! A fucking dare Zak! Get over him,your better than that! An aggressive voice yells at me inside my brain. A softer voice comes in. Zak, just cry it out, remember, then you will be able to talk! I like this voice, so I look back to when we first fell in love. The dates, cuddling, kissing until we were about to pass out, how we were so connected... 

          *Flashback* (Proposal) "Hey babe?" Darryl asked. "Yeah BaeBoyHalo?" He smirked. A cute and very devious looking smile. "Wanna head to the beach? One opened! We'll have to social distance though..." I imagined the beach, on this perfect day. I nodded, grinning ear to ear. It was an hour drive. We hung out on the beach for an hour, we got so hungry, and ended up at an Applebee's that was a mile away from the beach. He changed, I didn't I just wrapped myself in a towel, and that was good for me. We were about to leave, when Darryl bent down on one knee, I started tearing up as he delivered the proposal: "Zak, this adventure of love with you has completed my life, I know, that I will always love you, no matter what happens,now an forever, and I want to marry you, but the real question is-" He popped open the jet black velvet ring case, it held a big diamond ring, and looked to be made of gold, he continued. "-will you marry me Zak." I choke out: "Yes" Before I am crying and hugging Darryl. *Flashback Over*

          You will always love me no matter what, huh? I think. Give him one sentence to explain what happened, listen to the rest if your intrigued. The soft voice suggest. I am satisfied with that. The aggressive voice decides. "Ok Bad, I have decided to give you ONE sentence to explain, if I let you say more you can, if I don't then if u send I won't respond. Got it?" It seems he was waiting for this text because a few seconds. "Thank you so much Zak!" I roll my eyes, he can finally use my real name? I wait watching the three bubbles indicating he is typing. After a few seconds this is his sentence: "I did it for money, to support our family our child, she was paying me! I am sorry, I love you <3" I scoff and feel anger rising. THAT'S HIS EXCUSE? The aggressive voice roars, the quiet one tries to calm it, but it's unnoticeable, it is tuned out. I LOVED HIM, CARED FOR HIM, I GAVE HIM MY ALL! HE CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO EVEN GIVE A GOOD FUCKING EXCUSE!!! My face scrunches, I am really, extremely mad. So I send: "That's your excuse?"

          My phone keeps ringing, as Bad keeps calling, trying to explain, as if I'd let the little fucker. I half black out. I got to the bathroom, and I rummage around the drawers, I find a razor, I pop out the blade,What am I doing? I think, Shut up idiot! The aggressive voice says, I take a picture of it next to my wrist, and send it to Bad. He sends all ways of saying: "DON'T DO IT!" I won't actually, this pain in my chest isn't real... right? A new voice, a sad one comes. Try cutting, if it relieves you, it's real. (Trigger Warning) I go to the restroom, Dave is out getting groceries, I grab bandages. I stand in the mirror. Hey don't do this! Most of the voices, even the aggressive one call to me. One deafening: TRY IT!!! By the sad one reminds me, it's just to make sure it's the pain is real, it's not, right? It's just a one time thing... Right? (Trigger Warning) Yes. I decide as I push the blade into my wrist, the pain floods away from my chest, disappearing, it doesn't flood to the cut that is bleeding, it's just gone, I see black dots dancing around the edge of my vision, Scary. I think as I quickly grab the bandages, and wrap my wrist up, tight, good thing I wear hoodies, I can cover it no problem. You can check again later, make sure it's true!... The sad voice calls. I clean everything up and go to my temporary room. "I didn't cut myself I promise." I can't have Bad telling Dave... Not until I'm sure...

(AUTHOR'S NOTE!!!)

Hey Guys, This Is A Dark Chapter, I Know, Please Never Harm Yourself In Any Way, If You Need To Talk, I'm Here! I Have Enough Love For All Of You! Well, This Chapter Is Now Over! 816 Words Without Narration, 916 Words With Narration! (Perfect!) I Love All Of You So Much!  I Have Found Someone I'm In Love With! 0.0 I  Don't Think They'll Ever Catch On! Also, Dating, Or Me Revealing Could Ruin Our Friendship! How Many Chapters Do You Want? I Can Have Up To 4 More Chapters, And As Little As 2! Let Me Know! K, Bye! <3 <3 <3 <3  <3  <3 <3  <3  <3  <3  <3  <3  <3  <3  <3