yellow beanie | jjk

13

You look at the array of delicious street food placed before you.

Must...resist...but it looks so good!

You whimper slightly, a sad expression forming. You look at Jungkook accusingly, eyes burning with flames of anger.

"Why would you bring me to somewhere like this!" you exclaim, completely ignoring the fact that there are other people around.

"I just wanted to let you eat some good food," he says with a short laugh of disbelief. 

You clamp down on your lip, slightly annoyed at the guy in front of you. "I told you," you say in frustration while staring right into his eyes. "I'm on a freaking diet. Which part of diet did you not understand? Are you deaf?" You huff, taking a few breaths to calm yourself down.

Maybe it was because you hadn't eaten a proper meal in days, probably weeks. You didn't know. You've been doing this for so long that you've lost track of how many days this ridiculous diet had been going on for. Mood swings became a daily occurrence in your life.

"Of course, someone like you wouldn't understand." You smile mockingly.

Jungkook whips his head to face you. With a stern gaze, he says, "Stop it."

"Stop? Why? Have I hurt your big ego, huh? Mr Perfect?" The ringing in your ears is coming back as your harsh words stab into Jungkook's heart. "I may be fat but I'm not blind or deaf. I can see people pointing fingers at me everyday Jungkook, I can hear them talking about me!" Your finger points into your chest.

"Do you have any idea what that feels like? Huh? Seeing people mock you every single day?" 

He remains quiet as he watches you break down.

"Of course you don't. Cause you're perfect. People won't point fingers at you, they think you're perfect. They know it."

"They don't know anything." Jungkook says. "You're too agitated right now, I don't want to talk to you while you're like this." He stares at your face which was red with anger.

"I know you feel unfair, but you have no rights to determine what I am. You know nothing about me," he says firmly.

A tear runs down your cheek as you stare right back at him.

"Then what makes you think you know anything about me?" You swallow, though your mouth is dry. "You tell me I'm pretty, you say I don't need to be on a diet, and that I should love myself and how I look because it's who I am." 

Jungkook looks at you, trying to read the emotion on your face, but he can't seem to find the answer he wants.

"How can I love myself when I look like this?" Your eyes flick away for a second before they shoot back onto Jungkook accusingly. "Everyday I look into the mirror and I try to tell myself I look pretty. But you know what? I feel so ugly. All I see are my flaws, but you keep telling me I'm pretty and I'm so upset because I know you don't really think that and you're just being nice!"

"Seol—"

"I want to be pretty too, Jungkook. You don't understand what's it's like to be like me! I see all these girls, and they're so skinny, so flawless. They can wear all these clothes that I can't. I have to wear oversized shirts and pants because I'm fat and I don't look nice in anything, so all I can do is try to cover that up."

You can only laugh wryly as you wipe away your tears. "I just want to be pretty too...is that too much to ask for?"

"Seol, please, don't say that about yourself." Jungkook reaches out his hand to try to comfort me, but I move away from his touch.

"I think I should go now."

That's enough damage for the day.

---

a/n

wtf I woke up at 5.30am this morning :0