What are the chances?

Crush

"Debbie... Debbie... wake up." Kat frantically shook Debbies sleeping body after bursting into her room first thing the next morning.

"What, what's happening?" Debbie shot out of the bed, her eyes distraughtly searching the breadth and depth of the immaculate room for an answer. "Has something happened, is everyone ok?" She grabbed Kat's arm as her eyes pierced into her friends.

"What... Yeah!" Kat stalled momentarily, sighing as she realised the result of her actions. "I'm sorry Debbie, everyone is fine. It's me... I'm just really freaking out." Kat sat on the edge of the bed for a split second, then instantly stood back up and began pacing the room.

Debbie collapsed back onto the bed, placing her hand over her rapidly rising and falling chest.
"Kat honey," she sat up and patted the bed next to her, signalling for Kat to take a seat. "Please just take a breath for a moment." The tone of her voice began to settle into its usual steady pace as she pulled the cover over her lap and Kat did what she was told, taking a seat followed by several deep breaths. "Now without getting yourself in a tizzy again, tell me what's happening." Debbie continued as she popped on her heavily rimmed black glasses and flicked her fringe out of the way.

Kat took another steadying breath before she spoke. "I'm freaking out Debbie, I can't make sense of what's going on and I feel like I'm out of control." She paused for a split second to draw in another deep breath. "I woke up this morning and my chest felt heavy like someone was sitting on it. I couldn't breathe." She looked at Debbie and began rapidly blinking as a sting of salty tears fell to her cheek.

"Oh honey... come here." Debbie pulled Kat in and hugged her tightly. "You're ok Kat, we will figure this out but you need to tell me exactly what is going on in your head." Debbie held her friend tightly as Kat wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. "Did something happen last night Kat, did he hurt you?"

"What... no, not at all, he was the perfect gentleman." Kat pulled back as she reassured Debbie. "I just can't do this. I thought I was ready, but it shouldn't be this difficult should it?" Kat searched Debbies face for confirmation but frowned in frustration as it gave nothing away. "I shouldn't be having panic attacks like this should I? It's just not normal is it?" Kat continued to ramble at pace.

The room was uncomfortably silent for a moment as Debbie stared blankly at the crisp white bedsheets. "David really did a number on you didn't he?" she finally spoke. "I think you're right Kat, it shouldn't be like this, getting in a mess and having what appears to be a panic attack, but..." she paused again. "Unfortunately for you, your heart was broken in the worst possible way, and this is a byproduct of that awful situation. It shouldn't have happened to you but it did, but you can't let that define the rest of your life Kat, else you'll be lonely and miserable."

"Maybe I'm ok with being by myself." Kat quickly interjected as she wiped another stray tear from her flushed cheek.

"Yeah, I'm sure you are Kat, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that but, wouldn't it be nice to also have someone to share moments and experiences with, to feel connected to and have contact with?" Debbie cocked an eyebrow as she waited for Kat to object again.

"But this feels like a huge and scary step, and I'm overthinking every single little thing, then getting annoyed with myself about it, and then I realise that none of this is actually anything, and in me worrying about every little thing that I'm doing, or saying, or feeling, I'm actually missing out on this nothing." Kat gasped for breath as more tears fell from her bloodshot eyes.

"Ok, you've gone rambling again and your not making any sense." Debbie shifted to her side in order to face Kat. "I feel like your mixing a lot of different things together and it's creating a big old woolly mess. That's why you can't understand what it is, there are many problems here not just one."