Two ghosts

5th of September 2013

We're not who we used to be
We're not who we used to be
We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

He had stayed at Niall's for five days. He had followed his suggestion and poured his heart out in a song he named Two Ghosts. It didn't make him feel any better though. He still cried constantly. He hardly ate. He didn't sleep much but when he did he always dreamt about Louis and woke up crying. He was a mess! He was just trying his best to remember how it felt like to have a heartbeat.

He had overheard Niall talking on the phone with Zayn and Liam. Apparently Louis was out partying every night. Living the single life it seemed. Had he really meant that little to him that he had to go out to celebrate that he was single and free? Did he hook up? Did he have sex with someone else? Did someone else get to kiss those wonderful lips? Run their fingers through his hair? See his beautiful blue eyes turn dark from lust? Just the thought of it was unbearable.

They had been each other's firsts. He had absolutely loved the idea of being with Louis and Louis only for the rest of his life. Then they shared that and no one else had ever seen him in such an intimate situation. It had been their special thing. It was beautiful and special and now it was destroyed. Louis threw it away, threw him away. Of course, it was hard to have to hide their love. But for Harry, it was worth every second of it as long as he got to be with Louis. For Louis, not so much. He had said it himself, not worth it.

They use to be a force of nature together. They had stayed strong together. Had Harry been delusional? He thought that their love could move mountains, that nothing could come between them. He had been wrong all along. Management had finally won.

He needed a glass of water and walked out to the kitchen. Niall was on the phone.
"He's drunk again? Oh, Harry just walked in. I'll call you back. Bye."

Harry went for his glass of water.
"How are you feeling?" Niall asked.

"Like shit. I'm not the one out celebrating I'm single." Harry snorted.

He turned around and glared at Niall while he drank his glass of water. Niall furrowed his eyebrows.
"You know what? I get that you are hurt but Louis is hurting too. We're really worried about him."

"What's going on?" Harry immediately asked. His heart ached in his chest from the thought of Louis hurting. He loved him no matter what.

"Well, for one, he's not celebrating that he's single. He drinks until he passes out if he doesn't cry on Liam's or Zayn's shoulder before that. He's not himself and he's hurting too." Niall informed him.

Harry stared at Niall. His first instinct was to run to Louis where ever he was and take him in his arms and comfort him but he couldn't do that anymore.
"What do you want me to do with this information? He broke up with me!" Harry answered and his eyes immediately teared up.

Niall sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. He looked tired.
"I don't know. I hate this! I don't want to see either of you this sad and hurt. Can't you just talk it over?"

Harry sat down next to him.
"I'm sorry we're putting you in the middle of this. I'm sure we'll find a way to co-exist. I know I have to but it's too early. We just broke up and as you might have noticed, I'm not exactly handling it well. I'm lost without him and I have no fucking clue how I'm supposed to be just friends with him. I'm hoping time will tell but right now I can't be around him because it feels like I can't breathe. But please keep him safe."

"We're here for the both of you." Niall said.

"You're such a good friend, Niall. I love you." Harry answered emotionally.

"Love you too. Just, try and get through this." Niall said.

"I'll try." Harry sighed.

He wished he didn't have to try. He wished with all his heart that he just could go back to being Louis' boyfriend because that was everything he had ever known. That was everything he had ever wanted.

"Haz? Louis is supposed to play that charity game with Celtic in three days. You know how excited he was about that. Please come with us to support him." Niall pleaded.

Harry closed his eyes but he nodded his head. Even if they weren't who they used to be he wanted to be there for Louis. He knew how much this meant for him and Louis meant everything to him.

"Yeah? That's great!" Niall said with a smile.

Harry snorted.
"Sure."

He would be in agonizing pain the whole time, watching Louis on the football field but he would suck it up. He wanted to be there for him and at the same time, he just wanted to stay in bed and feel sorry for himself.
"I'll go if Louis actually wants me there."

"Of course he does!" Niall immediately replied.

"I'm not so sure about that. I'm not sure about anything anymore." Harry sighed.

"I'll talk to him about it." Niall promised.

"Okay. I'm going to bed." Harry announced and stood up. He needed to cry.

He walked to Niall's guestroom and closed the door behind him. He managed to get to the bed before he broke down crying. He curled himself into a ball and hugged his legs tightly. Louis Louis Louis. He just wanted his Boobear. He felt so lost and he was in so much pain. Louis had always been the one to comfort him when he was down. He would never have that again. He felt like a drifter without a home. How would he ever be able to get through this?