Two ghosts

15th of September 2013, part 1

We're not who we used to be
We're not who we used to be
We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me

We're not who we used to be
We're not who we used to be
We're just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

Louis stared at his reflection in the mirror. He traced his chest tattoo with his finger. He looked down at his arms that were filled with tattoos as well. Everyone that knew him knew how against tattoos he used to be and then he met Harry. His whole body was filled with complimentary tattoos. They had started off innocent, putting their first words to each other on their bodies as a reminder. As the years went by it had become their silent protest against their management and a way to show each other that no matter what, they would always be together. He had destroyed that and now his skin was taunting him for the biggest mistake he had ever made.

He should have never broken up with Harry. Niall had been right. Stupid! Harry was the love of his life. He didn't want anyone else, ever. He had just been so tired of everything surrounding them that he somehow convinced himself that it would be easier if they weren't together.

He had been wrong. Being without Harry was so hard that he couldn't cope at all. That was why he had started drinking obsessively. He couldn't believe he cut him out of his life like that. He had given up the one thing that mattered to him because he couldn't take the pressure. He had cried himself to sleep every night wishing he could go back and undo the damage he had caused.

He broke Harry's heart. Harry would never forgive him and he would never trust him again and he couldn't blame him. But still, Harry was everything and he needed to beg him for a second chance. He had to prove to him how much he loves him and that he wouldn't do the same mistake again. The question was how? Harry barely talked to him. He just looked so hurt and sad and angry and Louis wanted to cry even more. What if Harry wouldn't take him back? How was he supposed to live without him?

He was getting hysterical. He needed some advice and he knew who he had to ask. He needed to swallow his pride and call Niall. He knew that the Irish lad was furious with him. He had the right to be. He had messed up.

He took a deep breath and pressed the call button.
"Yeah?" Niall answered.

"Hi, it's Louis."

"I was just about to call you! Harry wants to pack up his things but ehm, he rather not have you there while he does it. Can you get out of the apartment for a couple of hours tomorrow?" Niall asked.

Louis gasped in horror.
"No!"

"Okay, which day suits you then?" Niall asked.

"No!" Louis repeated.

"You're not making any sense, Lou." Niall said impatiently.

"I mean, fuck! Just come over, now. I need to talk to you." Louis stressed.

Niall agreed and they hung up. Louis was pacing back and forth. Harry couldn't move out. No way! He had to get him back.

Niall knocked at the door a couple of minutes later and Louis opened the door and grabbed his shirt and pulled him into the living room.
"Woah! Easy Louis!" Niall said.

Niall sat down on the sofa and looked at Louis who was pacing back and forth again.
"I made a mistake, Niall. Stupid, stupid mistake. I love Harry. I need him. Fuck, I can't live without him. What should I do? Please, Niall, I know you think I'm a moron who doesn't deserve him and you're totally right but he's everything." Louis rambled and broke down crying.

"You fucking destroyed him. He loves you so much and you threw him away. Why should I help you? What if you do it again?" Niall said and glared at Louis.

"I won't. I don't function without him Ni. I can't breathe. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm a mess. I don't care what management puts us through as long as I have Harry. Without him, I don't think I'll make it. I know I sound melodramatic but it's the truth. He's my forever. I can't understand how I for a second could believe that we wouldn't last. That we're too young. That's bullshit!" Louis said, getting more and more hysterical.

Niall sighed. He looked sad.
"Oh, Louis."

"Will you help me?" Louis asked again.

"I don't see how. Talk to Harry. You have to make him believe you. It won't be easy, I can tell you that right now. Don't give up. You have to show him how much you love him and how sorry you are. He has to be able to trust that you are sincere. He has to be able to trust you again. You really did a number on him." Niall said.

"He won't even talk to me!" Louis whined.

Niall gave him a pensive stare.
"You have to make him listen. He's in the studio at six, recording a song he wrote. You should hear it so you know how much you hurt him. Let that be a constant reminder if you feel like giving him up again."

"I wouldn't." Louis replied.

"He doesn't know that and honestly Lou, why should he?" Niall said.

Louis knew what he had to do. Something he knew he wanted since he fell in love with the curly-haired boy. He had loved him since he was eighteen and he always knew that it would be the two of them, from that scary moment when they had confessed their feelings for each other at the X-Factor. Whispering love declarations in the dark where they shared a bunk bed, while their bandmates were sound asleep. How could he get so lost along the way that he even questioned it?

He looked at the clock and it was a little over four. He needed to pick something up downtown.
"Thanks, Niall. Wish me good luck. I'm gonna need it."

"Yeah, and Lou? If you hurt him again I will cut off your penis in your sleep." Niall threatened.

Louis smiled and came over and hugged him.
"I love you. Thanks for being there for Harry."

"Love you too. Go get your man back!"