Not a Coincidence | Juan GDL

Chapter 27: Stronger together

"Take me fucking back please."

Sabi nila, if you tie your ropes around the past, talo ka. If you don't pull up your anchor from the shore and just let it pull down the weight of your ship, talo ka.

You lose when you go back. You regret when you open doors you've locked for good.

"We've wasted 6 years, Belle," he drawed lowly on my neck, planting small kisses on the spot, breathing hotly, "I can no longer waste more years."

But is it really closing doors when you know deep inside that you've kept them open since the beginning?

Tumulo ulit ang aking luha. For 6 years, I have never believed we could get close to each other like this again.

It was a hard pain. A hard loss of love.

"Please say something, baby. You know you scare me when you're too quiet."

Nakayakap pa rin siya sa akin hanggang ngayon. We can't see each other's faces. It's better this way and I can't let him see me too vulnerable or at this state.

The night is already deep. The only sources that has been shoving us light are the pale moon and runaway streaks of bulbs from the community.

Madilim na pero sobrang liwanag ng aking nararamdaman.

I sobbed on his shoulder, unable to hold back anymore the tears and longing. Galit lang ako kanina pero ngayon para akong nanlalambot sa nangyari.

"Ganyan na ba ang mapapangasawa ko? She turns into a crybaby when she gets kissed?" May panunuya niyang pahayag. Agad naman na namilog ang aking mata. Para akong nagising sa kaniyang sinabi!

I'm not marrying him!

"Hindi ako magpapakasal sa'yo," I grunted firmly, wiping the traces of tears slowly drying in my cheeks. Bahala na kung mabasa itong t-shirt niya. I don't care, it's his fault.

I tried to escape his hold afterwards, wriggling lightly but this brute effortlessly enveloped his ironclad arms a bit forceful around my waist.

"Akala mo lang 'yon." Hawak niya ako na para bang maaari akong maglaho kung luluwagan niya ang kaniyang yakap.

"H-hindi ako makahinga, Juan..." Nahihiya kong sabi.

"I missed you."

Tikom bibig kong ibinalik ang aking mukha sa kaniyang balikat at nagtago. I can smell his manly perfume. Even if he was basically sweating off just 2 hours ago, he still smells good and I don't know how he does it.

"You just literally killed me when you said you're turning your back on me..." I heard him draw sa deep sigh. "I've been a jerk last week....no, I've probably been a jerk for the past 6 years."

"Juan..."

He withdrew from his hold and faced me. "I'm sorry, Belle. I'm sorry for not being there when you were having the worst time during our relationship...it's my fault."

I reminisced the bitter memory of the past 6 years.

When I had that conversation with Mrs. Simon, I was struck with fear. She was implicitly giving me threats that were directed towards my family and Juan. I was left with no choice, I knew I had to hurt myself to stop things from getting too complicated.

I bit my lip, feeling guilty all of a sudden. He doesn't know it. I've been keeping a secret for almost 6 years all by myself. At aminin ko man o hindi, people around me were clueless and that alone inflicted them pain.