I Can't Stop Obsessing Over You (Akashi Seijurou x OC)

Chapter 33: Until Then

Chapter 33: Until Then

There were so many thoughts hovering aimlessly in my head whilst tying to find an appropriate approach in the situation I was in by juggling and differentiating various emotions in my heart. How should I feel about this? The one who I never thought I’ll meet again is currently taking a shower in my house? How awkwardly absurd albeit no matter how many times I pinch and tell myself I was having a mental breakdown in a dream, nothing is going to change the fact that my high school rival slash my first heartbreaker was inside my very own abode.

Right now, I’m discombobulated between two emotions whether I should feel happy of seeing him again or reminisce every nail of pain he hammered in my heart that took ages to stabilize after he left. I just couldn’t believe he would pull a sick surprise to me like that, being engaged to someone and leaving me, even though he obviously knew I fell for him hard.  Why didn’t he tell me he had a fiancée in the first place? He did warn me to stay away from him back then but I couldn’t help it but think of being with him in my spare time. Every normal person wants to be beside with the person they love. Why won’t love let me do that? Why can’t it be that simple?

I still love him but now that he has a family of his own I think it’s time to give up and think of as us friends. That was better said than done honestly. Can I do it? On second thought, are we even friends?

I rummaged through my closet, digging into my pajama pile and unfolding them to see which fits best for Akashi. The remaining pajamas that were sitting in my closet were unfortunately too small for Akashi’s build and plus, I usually sleep in dressing gowns so that’s an obvious no-no to give him one. “I guess I have to let him wear dad’s clothes,” I inwardly whispered to myself. Dad’s old clothes were located on the very top shelf so I had to tiptoe and stretch my arm to get it. Unfolding and flogging it like a whip to take the dust off, a sense of nostalgia filled the atmosphere as I remembered my dad wearing this shirt in one of my birthday parties a long time ago. I decided to keep it hidden along with some of his other attires since it held a sentimental place in my heart.

After getting a pair of my dad’s outdoor shorts, I knocked on the bathroom door. The shower wasn’t running anymore. “I brought clothes and I come in peace,” I said a random line from a movie I watched recently, hoping it would lighten up the awkward atmosphere. The door opened slightly then a hand emerged from the opening.

I hesitated to lend him the clothes. I stared at his structured hand, wondering how it feels like to hold it and feel the warmth of it. As if I had no subconscious over myself, I slowly ran my fingers down his palm, lightly skimming all the way to the tips of fingers. When I thought the touch I unconsciously initiated was over, he snatched my hand before I had the chance to get my mind on the right setup.

Not a word was said when he squeezed my hand. My heart felt like it was being compressed as he applied pressure unto my hand and for a moment it ached terribly. He then let go of it. I quietly passed the clothes to him, blushing and feeling innocent on the spot.

Don’t get me wrong but my heart fluttered like the wings of a flying hummingbird. I wouldn’t trade anything for this feeling right now, it was splendid and indescribable all at the same time and all of it was caused by a brief skin contact.

But wasn’t that wrong of me to act that way towards a married man? Is it wrong to have feelings for him?

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry...” I released a heavy sigh under my breath, feeling the guilt starting to eat its way up inside my chest. I shouldn’t have done something immoral like that. I ran my fingers down my face. “Stupid,” I insulted myself. I was in the dining room, setting up the table with plates and cutleries for dinner which was rice and mussel soup.