Star Crossed [an old and terrible Star Fox fanfic]

C23 - Critical Hit

The unfathomably large room, more grand than any cavern that Fox had ever heard of, was only barely lit, after Andross spoke. The vulpine captain started to make the silhouette of something out in his peripheral view.

It was massive; At quadruple the size of the blueprint's description hovered the mighty face-shaped ship of Andross Oikonny, self-declared Emperor of the Lylat System. "Now," he explained, the mighty metal of the ship subtly creaking as he spoke, the ship mimicking his facial movements in real time, "you will be the first to know what it is like to be obliterated by this masterpiece, at my own control."

"She's a beauty," Fox quipped, with a slight smirk, trying not to take this behemoth that would likely bring his demise seriously.

"Foolish McCloud! Just like your father!" Emperor Oikonny shouted.

"If I had a nickel for every damn time I've heard that!" the McCloud in question remarked, then thought aloud... "I mean, I guess I'd have enough for a trip to the vending machine."

"—PAH, what kind of insolent vulpine are you to make these sorts of remarks in front of your Emperor!?" Andross remarked, now seriously surprised. "I thought you were as stupid as James, yet here you are proving I greatly underestimated that amount!"

"You're no Emperor of mine! This is where playtime ends!" Fox snapped, flying forth and firing at the faceship's hull.

"Perhaps for you, and your remote-controlled drone you call a fighter!" Andross laughed. "Look at this, now!"

Just as Fox was figuring out what the monkey was talking about, he felt a humongous crash at his side, and felt his entire craft being dragged through the air! Then, he stopped, and looked at what caused this:

A hand. Rather, a hand-shaped ship, unmanned yet immensely fortified.

"Did you just— slap me?!" Fox furrowed his brows as he yelped.

"Like a fly from the air! As I always intended!" the emperor-wannabe gruffed in satisfaction, and did this with yet another such hand, crashing into and dragging the Arwing. "And two make a proper pair."

"You WISH you had a proper pair!" Fox threw the lowbrow insult that popped into his head.

"The only other pair I need are the eyes on my head!" Andross laughed, then stared at Fox's ship. The fox was yet again confused as to what the mad scientist was doing, until he felt a surge of heat overcome his shield, and a bright blast greet his eyes.

"GRAAGH!" he whined, covering his view.

"Most powerful lasers in the system! Meant for war-class carrier ships, of course, but I couldn't resist!" Emperor Oikonny nearly giggled, seeing the beams come from his faceship's eyes. "Part of the reason why your dad always wore sunglasses! Hahaha!"

Fox reached blindly for his control stick and swerved out of the way, tossing a bomb over to the ear of the ship. It made it shake a bit, and subtly crack, but nothing more.

"Those ears are just for balance. You don't know what the weak point is, do you?" Andross teased, whamming into Fox's ship again with his giant hand-droid.

"I sure as hell do!" Fox laughed, and shot a rapid rally of blasts at the primate-shaped craft's eyes.

They did nothing, and Fox felt his confidence start to wane. "Shit," he quietly swore, as an even brighter beam of light started to come for his ship.

"WARNING! OVERHEATING!" an automated voice warned. "Windshield at risk of melting!"

"I'll wear down your shield," Andross nodded, "perhaps just melt you right here. I should tell that crazy bastard Leon that we're having roasted Star Fox for dinner!"