Heretic - A Mila Vance Story

13 - Holly Jolly Helpers (Year 1)

Mila led Theo up another flight of stairs land then left down another three staircases. Instead of entering a dimly lit and slightly dingy corridor like the entrance to the common room, they found themselves in a broad stone corridor, brightly lit with flaming torches that displayed many cheery oil paintings hung in gold painted frames. 

 'Where are we?' asked Theo 

 'Well I overheard Fred and George say something about a pear, but when I asked they said something about a pig, maybe about me. But never mind that – find a pear and we can figure it out.'

 'Here's one but why?' 

 'Try poking it.' 

 The pear did not seem to like this and blew a large raspberry at them, and not the fruit kind. Mila and Theo tried everything they could to try and open it but it just wouldn't budge. 

'Dammit it's an opening we need to do something to the pair to get in.

 'Why don't we fucking tickle it!' said Theo jokingly 

 'No harm in trying.' 

 'I was kidding.' 

 'I'm not.' 

 Mila stretched out her forefinger and tickled the huge green pear. It began to squirm, chuckling, and suddenly turning into a large green door handle. Mila seized it open and they walked inside giving the smug smile she always loved to give when she was right to Theo. 

The kitchen was not like the other rooms in Hogwarts. It was very bare and deprived of colour, the only heat coming from the large stone furnace. There were four long wooden tables that stood in the kitchens, which Mila assumed were positioned exactly beneath the four house tables in the Great Hall above. She guessed that before dinner they would be laden with dishes and then sent up through the ceiling to their counterparts above.

 'Hello, sir, miss!' squeaked a tiny voice. 

 In front of them stood a creature that had large, bat-like ears and bulging green eyes the size of tennis balls. House Elves. 

 'Hello!' said Mila warmly 

 'Is there anything we can get you, Miss, anything at all?'

'You don't need to call me 'Miss'' said Mila.

Her parents had told her about how house elves would treat others as if they were higher than themselves and sometimes treated themselves like dirt, and it was weird being called 'Miss' too, they only said that teachers said that when addressing them.

'I is Olsie, Miss. Olsie the house-elf'

'Nice to meet you Olsie.'

'Can we get you anything, Miss? Treacle tarts? Jam tarts? Lemon tarts? Merangue? Chocolate?'

 'No. Well actually yes. I had an idea about something you could help us with though.' 

 'Anything, Miss.'

 'Can we help the elves bake?'

 'No, Miss. Olsie must insist to help you, not Miss helping Olsie.'

 'I have to help, it'll befun.'

 'Yes, Miss, of course Miss.' 

'Mila,' Theo whispered, 'I've never baked before.'

'I know that's why I want to see you do it.'

Mila almost thought he was deliberately causing a conundrum. He managed to crack eggs on a freshly baked sponge, drop a bag of flour on a poor little elves head (whom they later had to aid in a coughing fit) and leave his wand in the only good batch of brownies he made. Mila thought baking was similar to potions Theo clearly didn't get the same idea. They were very exhausted by the end of it but more from fixing up Theo's messes than the baking itself.