Slowly learning that life is okay (GirlxGirl) [COMPLETE]

Dina - All I can say is, this stress hurts

September came with Jesse's birthday and left with the taste of pumpkin lattes as October arrived.

It was stressful to hear the teachers and the counselors talking about college all the time. She hated it, she hated when her mother asked if she already applied to the college nearby, she hated when Coach G told her she could go anywhere, she hated to hear her friends making plans.

She hated when they asked about what she wanted to major in, about her career, about her future. She didn't know. She wasn't really good at anything. She barely knew what she was doing. She was not even that smart.

She was a fraud.

Dina was running in the morning, trying not to think about college and trying not to let failure weigh her down. The air was starting to get colder at night and in the early mornings, but it was fine running around in her t-shirt and shorts. It felt good to focus on her breathing, on her feet against the asphalt.

"I think you'll be unstoppable at regionals."

She smiled to herself, her stomach doing flips as she remembered Ellie's words, the honesty in her green eyes. She took a detour, running uphill towards the forest close by. It was a nice change of pace, going up and down between the trees, and the smell reminded her of Ellie; earthy and fresh.

Dina's legs were hurting and her lungs were burning as she left the woods to run back home for a shower. The sky was beginning to change colours to a smooth baby-blue, past the sunrise yellows and pinks.

She was drenched in sweat when she entered her house, knowing her mother would be downstairs drinking coffee.

"Hi," she said, speeding across the table towards her room. The last thing she wanted was to hear her mother.

She was up and then downstairs fast, grabbing an apple and putting two pieces of bread in the toaster. She had Art with Ellie and Jesse and Math with Ellie. Probably Bonnie and Jesse would ask them to start the tutoring at the café soon too.

She put cheese inside the warm bread and walked out the door with a quick goodbye to her mother. She didn't look very happy, but again, when did she?

She stifled a yawn as she walked the rest of the way to school, kind of hoping she would run into Ellie but knowing she wouldn't because the other girl was always late in the mornings. She ate her cheese sandwich then brushed her teeth in the school bathroom.

And then she walked into class and it seemed like everyone was talking about tests or college applications.

She huffed, sitting on her desk and putting her head on her hands. She was so tired. She hated the emptiness in her chest, the feeling she was a failure weighing down her heart and choking on her lungs.

Fuck that.

________

Lucas was laughing so hard he was crying and Emma was banging her head on the table beside him. Bonnie was looking at them across the table, her face almost as red as her hair.

Dina sat beside her as Ellie sat across, looking confused between them.

"Where's Jesse and Mike?" Ellie asked.

"Jesse lost the last bet so he gotta run laps before lunch," Emma managed to speak.

So he and Mike were really working hard for getting into college.

"Why are you guys laughing so much?" Dina asked, messing around with her salad.

"Greg's doing another Halloween party and Bonnie just told us she was thinking of going as Queen Elizabeth," Emma answered again, because Lucas just couldn't speak.

"Oh man, I'm dying," Lucas was wiping away tears. "I'm not even sure why I think that's so funny."

"I think it's the hat," Ellie said, shrugging, and they all laughed again.

"What are you two going as?" Bonnie asked and they shrugged.

"I don't know, maybe Frankenstein," Lucas said, still grinning.

Dina turned to Ellie almost without thinking.

"Dude, we could go as Jack and Sally. From The Nightmare Before Christmas," she was suddenly so excited for Halloween. How the hell had she not thought about that before? It was perfect for her, and who better than Ellie to be her pair?

Until she remembered they were a couple.

She looked at Ellie who was just shocked as she stared back at her. She blinked before closing her mouth and swallowing.

"Can I be Jack?" she asked and Dina breathed again. She got really worried for a second, thinking Ellie would overthink and think more than it was and things would go weird, but it all went alright.

"Duh. I'm obviously Sally," she smiled at her and Ellie chuckled, her cheeks pink.

"Cool. I'm glad you won't be in stupid a hoodie this year," she teased and Ellie rolled her eyes.

"The scariest monster was me all along," she mocked, touching her forearm. Dina punched her arm over the table.

"Shut up, dumbasaur," Ellie smiled and rolled her eyes.

She looked over at Ellie, trying to picture her with skeleton makeup and in a suit. She would definitely look hot in a suit, and the thought made her look away and she caught Emma looking at her, a knowing smile on her lips.

She smiled back, but there was an uneasy turn in her stomach, like she just got caught doing something wrong.