𝘔𝘦𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘻𝘦

♕ 𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 ♕

I feel my heavy heartbeat loud in my ears, drowning out the noise of the tv in the other room. My throat tightened, my mouth feeling numb and dry. My hands unable to hold up the pregnancy test any longer, I place it on the sink next to me, a big red cross ingrained into my head. It was once, only once. How does this even happen, I shake my head still unable to register what was going on. I haven't spoken to him in weeks, he pulled another one of his disappearing bullshit. This time I have a feeling he isn't coming back, too much time has gone by anyways, unlike the times before.

I get up off the toilet, my skin pulling off the once cold plastic. I walk back into my living room, looking for my phone, I find it buried underneath the many blankets and pillows I set on my couch. I open it and quickly look for Nolan's number, my finger pressing on the call button only to be sent to voicemail after the first ring. I sighed out in frustration, burying my face in between my hands. I can't believe him. I can't believe him. I can't believe him.

Why did I let this happen? I can't believe I was so reckless, and he just disappeared without saying anything. No calls, no messages, no voicemails. Nothing. I place the phone under my pillows and pull my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around them. I can't keep this baby, I'm all alone, I have no support system, and no one to help me with them. My eyes shift to the pillow that my phone lay under, maybe I should call my mother? No... She's just going to give me a harder time, probably officially disown me. I let out a quiet sigh, a lump forming in the back of my throat and my tears ready to push through. My attempt at stopping the crying unsurprisingly fails and the tears come rushing in, I let out an ugly cry. An ugly cry for how frustrated, hurt, stupid, and naive I am. I have never felt so alone until today.

"Why couldn't things be different?" I mumbled lowly to myself. I slowly draw in a deep breath and let it out loudly. I grab my phone again, the warm plastic sits uncomfortably in between my hands. I find his number and call him for a second time, after several rings, I get sent straight to voicemail again.

"Hey, Nolan...I haven't spoken to you in several weeks, and I've actually had something to tell you. If you have the time please call me." I quickly hang up and chuck my phone across the couch. He needed to know, he had to know. It would be wrong not to tell him honestly. The loud, familiar ringing of my phone interrupts my thoughts, and I quickly jump to grab it. I watch the phone ring, it wasn't who I was hoping for. It was just my mom calling, I decline the call and turn my phone on 'Do Not Disturb'. I can't stand my family, they would rather watch their daughters suffer while living their version of what a perfect life should be like. I didn't want to become the second version of them, that's one of the reasons why I left.

I make my way to my room, looking for a change of clothes. I settle on grey sweatpants and a tank top, I wanted to go out but nowhere special. I catch a glimpse of my now naked body in the mirror, making me stop what I was doing. I examined my stomach, picturing what I would look like when my stomach begins to grow and the child inside of me begins to develop. I frown and look down at myself, I don't know how I am going to do this. I snap out of my thoughts and finishing putting on the rest of my clothes, making sure to avoid looking in the mirror.

As I walk out of my building, the door to the apartment closes on its own as soon as I stepped out of its way. The warm hair brushes against my face, a small smile grazes my lips as I felt my self physically and mentally relax. I check the time on my phone, 6:30 p.m, shown in big bold writing at the very top of my screen. It was still bright outside, another hour maybe and it will start to get dark. I make my way down the street, cars noisily pass by, not as many as other days but still enough to make my head hurt.

I find myself walking into a small plaza, with some restaurants, a nail shop, and a small clothes boutique hidden at the very end. A few cars were sitting in the parking lot, but besides those, it was fairly empty. I scan the plaza once more and settle on Mediterranian cuisine, 'Ameer Kabob'. I push open their doors and instantly welcome the cool air that rushes out of the restaurant. Goosebumps waste no time forming on my body, causing me to rub my upper arms to get rid of them. A young girl, in her early twenties maybe, happily greets me from behind the register, her smile wide and contagious making me smile in return.

"Welcome to Ameer Kabob, what would you like to order today?" she repeats the same line I've heard almost about a hundred times now.

"Hello, I would like a..." my eyes scan the menu, looking for something new, something I don't usually eat until I finally settled for the usual, "beef shawarma plate and a medium Dr. Pepper please.", I finish giving my order and make my way to a small table in the corner.

This is a decent-sized restaurant, nothing too flashy but their food was amazing. I scan the rest of the restaurant, a family of four sat near the middle, two young girls and their parents, and other than them, there was no one else in here. I lean back in my seat, allowing myself to relax a little. My thoughts blank, and my mind in a world of its own. The door not so far from me swings open and my eyes snap to the person walking in, they looked familiar, too familiar. His back was to me, he slowly turns around and the second our eyes made contact my heart stopped. The same dark eyes that lured me in a couple of months ago now stare back at me in surprise. It can't be him...