Poesy

the liquor

The Crumbs are crushing it onstage. I mean, sure they aren't the super young rockstar badasses they once were. They all probably have trophy wives and kids and mansions now, but nostalgia is in the air. Everyone is dancing and jumping and I'm sure I would be too, if I didn't feel like I was going to barf all over the curly headed girl standing in front of me.

Maybe it's the liquor...

Or maybe it's because Annika looks like a friggin octopus with her arms and legs moving up and down Jude's body, as she dances circles around him. Despite the fact that Jude and I never had a chance to go over some kind of game plan for tonight, they seem to be getting on just fine without me.

He smiling and laughing at her as she wraps her arms around his neck and leans all the way back, trying to sing along. They look dumb and she's getting all the lyrics wrong.

I know, I know. But Poesy, you're supposed to be happy about this. Shush your mouth. I am happy about this. It's just the liquor. It is the liquor.

It's just the liquor.

"Hey," Mika shouts in my face and I remember that he's there with us.

"Oh, hi," I say playfully.

I mindlessly mirror Annika, throwing my arms around Mika and swaying back and forth. He does look cute tonight. You can tell he wore his "goin out slacks" and he definitely wore that big cheesy white smile of his. For a tiny moment, I do actually forget all about the octopus and the giraffe entanglement over there and let myself enjoy Mika's company.

And then that tiny moment is gone and my eyes slowly creep their way back over to Annika and Jude who are swaying together to The Crumbs covering Nirvana's "something in the way."

I'm gonna ralph for sure.

I don't know if I'm obsessing over if things are going well for them or if I'm obsessing over how well things are going with them. I also don't know why I'm acting like such a spaz. All I know is that something is in the way tonight and that something is my stupid brain.

Jude glances over at me and catches me staring.

I'm not staring. I'm not!

I'm... kissing?

Without thinking I press my swollen lips onto Mika's. I can tell I caught him off guard. I caught myself off guard. But he presses his lips against mine harder. I realize my eyes are wide open looking him directly at his eyelids. Then I shut them, because that was weird.

Just as his lips are parting to slip his tongue into my mouth, I pull back. I don't know why I did that. If I wanted to kiss Mika, it wasn't like that. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to kiss Mika, especially not in front of Jude. My eyes dart around. I stand on my tippy toes trying to see a tall mop of curly hair but he's not here.

"Hey where did Jude go?" I shout over to the still blissful Annika.

"I don't know," she replies. "I think he said something about the bathroom."

"I'll be right back," I tell Mika.

My feet are moving faster than my brain.

I push my way through the crowd of people, who are older than my parents, all dressed in their "going out slacks" until I spot Jude near the men's bathroom. He is standing off to the side looking down at his dirty white sneakers.

"Hey," I say, approaching him. "What are you doing?"

He meets my eyes and I notice they seem a bit glassy.

"You okay?" I ask, concerned.

"Yeah no. I'm good. I just felt a little sick. Must be the liquor."

"Yeah, the liquor," I agree and lean up against the wall next to him.

"Annika is having a good time," I say, nudging his shoulder with mine, trying to make him feel better.

"Yea, she's great," he says with a small smile. "Look, I gotta talk to you about something."

"Shoot," I say.

"Pow! Pow!" Annika pops up in front of us, holding up two finger guns. "You're both dead and so is this concert. Let's blow this joint."

I hadn't even noticed that the music stopped and people were slowly making their way out of the venue. Mika grabs my hand and pulls me into him, wrapping his arm over my shoulder as we make our way toward the exit.

Annika and Jude walk in front of us. She's got her arm around his waist, telling him all about the crazy encore he missed. Apparently the lead singer, Tommy Goose, busted his guitar on the stage and everyone was screaming and cheering. I wish I could have seen it, but more than that, I wish I knew what Jude was going to tell me.

After walking down the giant parking lot for what seemed like a friggin lifetime, we finally arrive at Mika's monstrous black pick up truck. I'm sure he insisted on driving us in it because he thought it would impress me, but I hate this stupid thing. I would have been far happier in Jude's hooptie.

"Gimme your keys, Mika," Jude says, holding a hand out to him.

"I'm not even that drunk," Mika says. "You're not driving my truck dude."

"You're not drinking and driving. Gimme the keys," Jude insists.

"You've been drinking too, Jude," I point out. "I can get us an Uber."

"No he hasn't," says Annika. "He stayed sober so at least one of us could drive."

"What?" I ask, confused.

"Yea, his flask is totally full. My safe driving man," she swoons, leaning onto his shoulder.

Jude looks at me, knowing I know that he lied to me about feeling sick. Maybe that has something to do with what he wanted to talk about. Something was bothering him. And I was pretty sure I just figured out what it is.

It wasn't the liquor.