Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure Fanfic (Updated)

The Excellent Report (Updated)

The trio arrives at San Dimas high, guiding the historical figures inside and head towards the auditorium to get ready for their history report. Just as Mr. Ryan was about to dismiss everyone early, the lights went off and the stage lights. "Hello San Dimas" said Ted over the speakers, "Please welcome, for the final report of the afternoon, from all throughout history, some of the greatest people who ever lived, in their 1988 world tour!"
The stage showed each of the historical figures standing on podiums with the phone booth sitting center stage. Billy the Kid makes his way down center stage to open the show.

"How's it going?" asked the cowboy, "I'm Billy the Kid"
The students in the audience chuckled in confusion until Billy the Kid shot one of the stage lights to grab their attention. "I'd like you all to put your hands together" he said, making the students clap, "And now, my good friends, Bill S Preston, Esquire, Victoria 'Tori' Valentine, and Ted 'Theodore' Logan! YEE-HA!"
Billy the Kid takes his place on his podium as the trio make their way center stage with smiles on their faces and the crowd cheers for them. "Hello, San Dimas High!" the trio say in unison.
After Bill greets the audience from Mr. Ryan, his fellow classmates, teaches, even the babes, the show begins.

"Our first speaker was born in the year 470 B.C." said the short blonde male
"A time when much of the world looked liked the cover of the Led Zeppelin album Houses of the Holy" said Ted
"We were there. There were many steps and columns. It was most tranquil."
"He is sometimes known as the father of modern thought" said Tori, "He was the teacher to Plato, who was then turn the teacher of Aristotle. And like Ozzie Osbourne, was repeatedly accused of corruption of the young"
"And since he doesn't speak English, our friend Ted, here, is going to interpret for him" said Bill, "So please welcome, to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas, the most bodacious philosopher in Ancient Greece. Socrates!"

The Greek philosopher takes center stage with the tall brunette translating for his fellow classmates while Bill and Tori stood stage right. Ted tells the students that Socrates loves everyone best in all the world, some of his favorite sports being baseball and billiards. But most of all, he loves San Dimas. The audience clapped and smiled as Socrates takes his bow before going back to his podium for the next historical figure.

Sigmund Freud takes center stage with Ted as his volunteer to speak upon his stress and anxieties to the students. "Therefore, Ted's father's own fear of failure has caused him to make his son the embodiment of all of his own deepest... anxieties about himself." he explained to the audience, "Und hence, his aggression transference onto Ted."
Ted sits up from his seat, feeling like a new version of himself has emerged from within. "Woah" he said in awe as Tori settles him down
"You alright, Ted?" she asked
"Yes" said the tall brunette before turning to the neurologist, "Thank you very much, Sigmund Freud"
Freud glanced at Bill and Tori, seeing if they would like to have a turn in the seat. "Nah, I'm good" said Tori
"Yeah, same" said Bill, "Just got a minor oedipal complex"
"He's kidding"

After Freud went back to his podium, it was time for the next historical figure to take the stage, Mr. Genghis Khan. Ted presented for the students as the barbarian showed off his martial arts skills. "This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China," said Ted, "And who we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods!"
"And as you can see, Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies because of the excellent sugar rush" said Bill

The next historical figure was Joan of Arc, demonstrating her swordsmanship against Bill and Ted while Tori presents to the students. "A bodacious soldier and general, Joan of Arc roused the English from France." she said, "And then turned a man named Dauphin, into a King, all this by the time she was 17"
Bill and Ted were giving it their all while Joan of Arc blocks and attacks their swords without breaking a sweat. "To improve on the condition of her armies, Joan of Arc plans on instituting a full-scale aerobics class on her return to France" said Tori, "And as a female myself, I wouldn't mind joining a class or two"