The Ballad of Joey Coco

Chorus

10/24/1986

J. Coco,

Sitting at the airport right now because my flight got delayed. Was planning on writing u when I got home but since I got 3 hours....

First let me apologize 4 losing my shit on u. I do think u deserved it. But I'm not proud. Neither is my momma. I blacked out. It wasn't premediated. Was never the plan.

I got here on Monday. The weekend before I was in Cali with a girlfriend of mine. We went 2 see Eric at UCLA. He's getting married soon. His fiancé is pregnant. I'm genuinely happy 4 him. Thought u should know since u're the one who pushed him on the opposite end of the country from me.

My friend went back home and I came here. My mother said I needed 2 take control 4 once and try and see u. 2 at least speak 2 u and make peace. Make sense of everything. She thought I deserved that. I was drinking every night, completely out of my mind. My students noticed the difference in me from the first day of school. Staff 2. Then one morning before I even made it 2 my classroom I was pulled into the principal's office. Boss man told me 2 get myself together and return after Thanksgiving break.

So fast forward. Friend drags me to Cali 4 the weekend. Then I come here. First place I visited was 1244 Russell Avenue North. I didn't know where else 2 start. Before I could go looking 4 "Prince" I had 2 be 100% sure who Joey was. Mrs. B. answered the door. I didn't know it was her until she said my name and hugged me. She actually said u never mentioned that Camille was my real name. I guess u didn't believe me?

First thing I asked, "Joey is Prince, RIGHT?" She laughed and said, "Prince is Joey!" She said she still calls u that sometimes. And then she showed me the wedding invitation u personally hand delivered 2 her. Honestly, I was thinking u never even sent them out. But she said she knew quite a few people who got one. From what she told me, sounds like they were all just as puzzled as my invitees. But she was happy 4 us. And then she was heartbroken when u said it was canceled. That's when she started asking me questions I couldn't answer. So she gave me ur address.

Same day I went 2 Galpin Blvd. My visit with Mrs. B went so well I didn't anticipate anything going anywhere but up. When I got 2 the security gatehouse I even saw the same guy that handed me the ring at the airport. Small talk was small then I asked 2 see u. Right away he started hesitating. But I gave him $300 2 dial u on speaker. That's when things started going dark 4 me.

"Just get rid of her. And call me when Susannah gets here." That shit played in my mind like a broken record. All night. I didn't even sleep. Ur guy Roy came 2 my room the next day feeling bad I guess. He tried 2 make excuses 4 u but he still wouldn't agree 2 let me in. I gave him more money and he still wouldn't but said he knew another way that involved a lake, a boat and a lot of trees. It was a NO 4 me. I told him I'd rather jump ur gate. But he didn't want 2 ruin his reputation. So I agreed 2 take the ride out there with him just 2 see. He had a little map and everything. It was crazy and standing there I told him HELL NO. But he started acting all crazed. Lecturing me and shit. I told him I would just wait 2 see u out in public or something. Anything other than THIS but he left me. Maybe he thought he was helping. Or maybe he really left me 4 dead. U did say "just get rid of her". And he would NOT let me back on that boat. So I had no choice but 2 find my way.

Running on no sleep and a dry biscuit, I nearly died trying 2 find ur property. But I did. And I lost it at 1st sight of u. Because I hated u 10 times more than I did before I got 2 that lake.

But anyway. I don't hate u anymore.

I was so broken walking out of ur house. But u know what I did? I slept. I cried myself 2 sleep and sleep has never been so healing. 'Cause I dreamt of u. Well, I dreamt of Joey talking on the phone. He was telling me things I already know. But in the dream it was like hearing it 4 the 1st time again. He was telling me why he was sleeping in Mrs. B's basement and things going on back home with his parents. I then told him all the crazy stuff about my biological father and the hell my mother and I went through.

Waking up I remembered it was our broken pieces that glued us so tight. Somehow they just fit so well. It wasn't sex or a kiss or anything like that 4 me. U came into my life in the midst of a climax. My mother almost died 3 times at the hands of that psycho and u were always there. U were my escape and my harbor.

That morning I was still sore so I stayed in and slept 4 most of it. On Thursday I decided 2 go out on my last day in Minneapolis and just look around. I found some spots u always used 2 talk about taking me to like that record shop. And I went 2 see Mrs. B again. I didn't go into details but I told her our talk didn't go over well.  There's nothing on the surface that could've made her question otherwise.  And I gave her my engagement ring and asked if she could get it back 2 u. I trust that she will. And I know all the beautiful things I could've done pawning it but I just couldn't do it. But it was so nice meeting her. She really loves u and she's so proud, as if u were her own son.

I don't think u realize the effect u have on people. And I mean U. Not even talking about the music right now. But when U enter someone's life and u imprint on them without knowing it. U must've been made with pieces of God's heart. U just have something going on that not many do. Think about how we met? I didn't know who the hell u were or how old or anything. But I was so shaken that night. My mom was in the hospital and I was "hiding" at my aunts. Tyler wasn't someone I always ran 2 but he was someone I trusted. But I got u instead. And I thank God I did. And I thank U 4 helping me find my laugh.

Despite the flood of tears and the defective seeds u planted, U really do have a beautiful heart. I can't blame u 4 how u love. Who was there in ur formative years 2 even teach u how? Yes, this hurts having 2 let u go but I know this isn't what u want and u're way bigger than us. God's purpose 4 u is way bigger than u falling in love with a pretty girl. When u're truly ready I hope u find someone who will understand this. Music is the heart of ur story. And when the fools say ur music isn't "hot" anymore or u've "lost it", just remember what's not 4 them is 4 someone else. Ur art is not a democracy.

Just be careful along the way. Indulge in the chocolate but keep from eating hearts. Stay out of the three-ring circus. And I forgive u 4 embarrassing me, lying and letting me down.  I forgive myself 4 being careless and unrealistic.  But this is the part where I say goodbye. Thank u 4 everything u taught me and everything u gave, even the pain. The little wrinkled spots on the page are footprints of my tears. These people are staring but whatever. I will never forget u and I can only pray I never love someone as much I love u. Doesn't even seem possible because u are the only u. Who else can imprint through a telephone?

Don't call or write back. It'll just make this harder 4 me.

I'll always love you, Joey Coco.

♡

Kamille Melody Blue