Indifference Towards Difference || Harry Potter

25 | It Is Far Harder To Kill A Phantom Than Reality

"With the pain vanish or will more come?
Will I stay numb or regain love?"
Nathan John Feuerstein

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⚠️MENTIONS OF ABUSE⚠️

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Harry had been lied to. It was only the rest of that hour that was food and silence.

By 11 o' clock, he found himself out of his Super Mario pyjamas and in the duelling room, which now resembled a spacious office; two desks, two chairs, and a massive space between them where he was sititng. Snape was standing above him, leaning against his desk, arms and ankles crossed. And watching him. The way Crookshanks used to eye Scabbers.

A bit creepy really.

"I recall mentioning to you the connection between wandless magic and accidental magic with Occulemency," Snape finally began. Harry shook his head from thoughts of cheese and mouse traps.

"Yes, sir." At the man's pointed gaze, he expanded. "With accidental magic, it's like accidental intent. You don't mean to do magic, but you want something to happen strong enough that you end up doing it. But wandless magic sort of works like my Occulemency, where I think the intent part is more... on purpose?"

He lifted an eyebrow and asked, "Is that a question or an answer?"

"... an answer?" Harry asked.

Snape nodded. "Very good, Mr Potter."

Harry kept his eyes on his hands, clasped in his lap, and silently prayed his cheeks hadn't gone pink. He wasn't used to praise, least of all from Snape.

"I imagine this will be difficult," Snape brusquely declared, and Harry looked up, slightly alarmed. "But for the moment you must think hard to remember every incident of accidental magic you have performed, and why."

"Why would that be hard?"

Snape looked down at him and deadpanned, "You must think hard."

Harry blinked, then blinked again, before it all finally caught up with him.

"I can think hard!"

The git's mouth curved into a smirk. "Then by all means, do so."

Grumbling mentally, Harry sat and readied himself to think. He hadn't really thought about what Snape was asking him to think about until now—  the git's insult had been rather unexpected and almost like his type of humour— but Harry wasn't so keen on discussing this altogether. He'd never been a fan of his accidental magic; it had landed him in more trouble than was worth far too many times, even when he hadn't known what it was. And the incidents Harry remembered the most were coincidentally when he'd had the most bruises to conceal soon after.

"I understand you are not so used to thinking, Potter, but surely you must have one by now," said Snape, a tad impatiently, and now sitting across from him. He was close enough for Harry to see the circles under the man's eyes, which were darker than he was used to seeing them. Even his hair looked greasier.

Guilt churned away in his stomach— he, Harry, had done that. Why was he so much trouble? He never meant to be.

"Think, Potter."